How to Eat an Elephant ~ Chapter One: Look for the Strawberry

There is a Zen Poem about a man who was being chased by a tiger. Coming to a precipice, he grabbed a vine and flung himself over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, he looked down, where far below him another tiger waited to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.  Two mice, little by little started to gnaw away at the vine. The man then noticed a luscious wild strawberry growing nearby. Grasping the vine with one hand, he reached out with the other and picked the strawberry and ate it. It was so delicious.

For as long as I can remember, every time something bad happened (or when things simply didn’t turn out the way we wanted them to), dad would tell us to look for the strawberry in the situation.  I remember one time when he said that, I found myself thinking in my mind, how much I hated strawberries!!

The strawberry has become almost as famous in our family as the elephant when it comes to dealing with challenges. Sometimes outsiders have confused our little inside joke with other fruit. One time, when my sister Brittney was in the hospital in a coma, our bishop traveled several hours to the hospital to pay a visit. He asked if he could offer a prayer, so we all gathered in my sister’s room and he spoke a wonderful prayer. He prayed that we could find a cherry in this situation…. We all knew what he meant!

After the prayer, we all giggled. I suppose at that moment, laughter was the best medicine for us, so in a sense, him mixing up our little fruit parable, was a strawberry in and of itself.

Strawberries are those tender mercies in life. They don’t always have to be in a moment of trial. A strawberry can appear out of nowhere when you least expect it and make you smile. Example… just the other day, I was having a bad day, I was feeling a lot of pressure from a business we were starting up and I was feeling a little neglected. I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store and while I was getting somewhat irritated at the person in front of me for having more than 15 items in the express line, I looked at the impulse items on the shelf and noticed a black tube of Chapstick. My dad ALWAYS had tubes of black Chapstick stashed everywhere. It was his favorite. It was a smell I associate with his memory. (That and Elsha Cologne) When I was growing up, I don’t remember ever getting kissed by my daddy without him leaving a little residue of “black Chapstick” behind. I couldn’t help but smile and think that was that I was being given the opportunity to slow down for just a moment and notice something that had been in front of me every time I visit a check stand at a grocery store, but that I hadn't thought about in nearly 20 years. At that moment I felt close to my dad… Tender mercies…. The Strawberry! (I bought that Chapstick and every time I use it, I feel like I am receiving a little kiss straight from Heaven!!)

I have often pondered over strawberries that have come to me from situations like my dad getting cancer and my sister’s drowning. I think the biggest strawberry from these events is the closeness our family has gained through tragedy and our ability to rally together through good times and bad.

I was really close to my dad and sometimes I think I would sell my soul if I could just talk to him and ask his advice. Although it may not seem like it, but there-in lies a couple more strawberries in his death.

First… I have a very real reason to make sure that I am living my life in such a way that I will have the opportunity to be with my dad again someday, when our journeys once again intersect.

Second…  Since his death, I have had the opportunity to become close with my mom and develop a relationship with her that I never took the time to develop when I was younger. Growing up, I always thought of her as bad cop. It wasn’t because she wanted to be bad cop, it’s just the way it worked out because dad was all too content to take on the role of good cop. I also now realize that she wasn’t REALLY the bad cop, our personalities were just a lot alike, so we clashed more and it was simply my perception of the situation that was distorted. So there is the strawberry… the tender mercy…. I was simply granted more time on earth with my sweet momma, so that I could have more time here on earth to develop that eternal relationship and gain more perspective and appreciation for all she sacrificed for her family. I am now the same age my mom was when she became a widow with 4 children still at home. I honestly can’t imagine how she got through it… I guess it must have been all the strawberries along the way.

So today’s lesson is this: When you find yourself hanging by a thread with tigers above and below you, wanting to eat you alive, and mice are chewing on your thin thread…. Look for that strawberry… that tender mercy….let go of the rope (with one hand), reach out and enjoy that moment!