Giving Christ My Son

I ran across this poem today and it expresses my feelings this year so well. This originally looked like it would be the worst Christmas ever as I will have hugged and sent 3 kids off to new lands since August and they will not be home for Christmas. One got married and moved and isn't coming home for Christmas. Another is moving with her family to the opposite coast for several years for her hubs to finish grad school the week before Christmas and my baby is serving a  2 year mission for our church, so the only contact I have with him is through a weekly email on Monday and I get a phone call from him on Christmas and Mother's day. It's already hard enough that we also have a child that lives in Texas with 4 grandbabies that we hardly ever get to see. Thank heavens one child is still here so I can get hugs and a grandma fix now and then from him!!!  I thought my heart would break at the thoughts of the emptiness in our home for Christmas and the fact that our traditions would not be able to happen because of all this,  but instead, somehow my heart has been filled to overflowing with joy this year.  I have found different ways to still do some of the traditions, maybe not on the exact day we usually do them and maybe not in the same way, but by reaching out and involving others, some of the traditions will continue. Others will be put on hold temporarily until the sweet day when we are all together again! Maybe this joy I feel is because I had nothing else to do but serve others and maybe it's the blessing of giving Christ my son for two years. Either way, as lonely as it seemed, this has been a most amazing Christmas season so far!

A MISSIONARY CHRISTMAS
I skipped the sales after Thanksgiving. The thrill just wasn’t there.
No pictures taken with Santa Claus. My decorating has no flair.
His presents are shoes, shirts, and ties, two suits and socks… no fun.
I’ve bought him all white clothes because this year I’m giving Christ my son.

I’ve spent more time in the temple, my testimony stirred.
I’ve re-read November’s Ensign, felt strength come from His words.
Our family prays more frequently. My tears are quick to run.
Abraham seems closer because this year I’m giving Christ my son.

I wonder how those Lamanite mothers gave their sons to war?
Or how the pioneers chose Zion—their sacrifice was so much more.
My loss will be his presence. I’ll miss his smile a ton.
For two years we will pray for him. I’m giving Christ my son.

I stare at his face when he’s not looking. I memorize his eyes, their shine.
He’s always hungered for the part of him, that makes his soul divine.
The stories and lessons he always heard. His choice and mine are one.
I’ll put my faith in God’s hand. This year, I’m giving Him my son.

Past gifts have lost their glitter. I think I finally understand
Christ’s birth should be celebrated by giving Him a hand.
It’s because I know Christ lives and reigns that all his packing’s done.
My gift has taken years to make. This year I’m giving Christ my son.

I know there’s One who understands the sacrifice I’m making.
Who knows the gift I willingly give, the toll it will be taking.
For He has done it all before. Greater love — there could be none.
For years ago God gave to me His only begotten son.

The hands I washed, the hands I held, the hands I taught to pray—
Now knock on doors to find the ones who will listen to what he’ll say.
Because I know Christ needs him until all the gathering’s done.
My gift has taken years to make. This year I’m giving Christ my son.
— Author Unknown

Seminary Diaries ~ Are We Not All Beggars?

I recently had a humbling experience while preparing for a seminary lesson. I was teaching a lesson on helping the poor and needy and I used a talk by Jeffrey R Holland, entitled, Are We Not All Beggars . In this talk he references the Savior and how he was essentially homeless for most of his adult life. I totally get why that was. He had to live in humble circumstances for the whole plan and atonement and everything to have worked the way it did… I totally get that. That is not a new idea for me.

But what struck me about that concept was the contrast in that situation and how very blessed I am in my life. My husband and I ahave been kind of looking around for a home to buy and I have recognized that we have turned down several really nice homes because they don’t meet our requirements. They don’t have a large kitchen with lots of cabinets to store all my “stuff”. Or they don’t have a 5 piece master bath. Or the master bedroom isn’t big enough for a king size bed and a living room set (insert exaggerated expression here). We have been looking for certain characteristics in a home because we felt that we have sacrificed over the years and that we have “earned” the right to have certain comforts in our next home. Then I watch a video where someone is pointing out that the Son of Man had no place to lay his head. WOW!!! I feel sufficiently humbled.

It makes me take a step back and recognize that we are so truly blessed. Abundantly blessed with so many temporal blessings that I can’t even begin to count them all. Blessed that we have an income and a roof over our head and food to eat and warm clothing and a soft place to rest my weary body at the end of the day. Those are 5 basic things that the Savior did not have on a regular basis. Who am I to complain about the things that I have not been blessed with. It doesn’t matter how many bathtubs are in my home or how many cabinets are in my kitchen. What matters most is if I am willing to share what is in my home with anyone who is in need.

We also watched a video that was a social experiment by a couple of guys. One dressed in a suit and looked like a successful business man and took a set of crutches and hit the streets and purposely stumbled and every time, people stopped to help him. The other dressed like a homeless man and also took a set of crutches and did the exact same things, but time after time, people just kept walking and going about their business. Finally someone went to his aid… and get this… it was another homeless man! It was so hard to watch the homeless man be so invisible to those around him and the moment was very tender when one of his own stood to give him aid. I recognized my own weakness in being somewhat selective in who I offer service to. I feel sufficiently humbled by this “ah-hah” moment as well. If you want to view this social experiment you can see it here. The Little Things

I have realized that we are ALL beggars in some way. We are all in need of something. At the very least we will one day find ourselves begging for mercy at the feet of the Savior as we ask him to make up for our shortcomings and what we have failed to do in this life.  I am more committed now to look around me and recognize “the least of these” and withhold judgment rather than compassion when someone around me is in need.  I am refocusing my priorities and instead of looking for the things that I lack in my life, I am now focusing on the things that I have been given and “because I have been give much, I too must give!”

My Journey Out of the Fibro Fog

Sadly, beause the FDA doesn't want you to know that there may be healthy alternatives to the poisons they peddle, I am no longer allowed to share my story out of the fibro fog in a public setting such as a blog on the internet.
Somehow that feels like a violation of my free speech, but I have complied.
It's a sad place that this country has arrived at! :(

Why I Hate Father's Day

Confession time!

I hate Father’s Day. For the past 20 years, every single Father’s Day, since my dad died, I have put on a smile and gone through the motions and pretended that it was a happy occasion, but deep inside, taking a day to celebrate fatherhood has made me feel like an orphan. I see people sharing photos of themselves with their dads and talking about fun things they do with their dads and giving their dads the honor that they so rightfully deserve and it makes me sad that I can’t even remember the sound of my dad’s voice anymore. (This sounds terribly depressing, but keep reading!!)

Every year on Father’s Day, at church, we sing the beautiful hymn, Oh My Father, and it takes me back to one of the last memories I have of my dad… singing that hymn at his funeral. Every word of that hymn is sacred to me for that reason and I can’t even read the words without experiencing a rush of emotion that takes me back to that day 21 years ago, when we said our final goodbyes. So I sit in church and blubber my way through it and people look at me like I’m weird because of my reaction.

For the past 20 years, I have tried to take this time to pay tribute to the man that my dad became and to focus on the men I have in my life… a wonderful husband and father to my children, who is an honorable man, 5 brothers and a brother in law, two sons, two sons-in-law, a step dad who is so good to my mother and great grandfather to my children, the father and fathers in law and step father to my married children, and all those other men in my life who in their own way define fatherhood. But all of that still hasn’t been able to fill the void, that gaping hole in my heart that causes me to yearn to have my daddy wrap me in his arms and whisper in my ear how proud he is of me and how much he loves me….

But this year… well, this year has been different. This year, I didn’t dread the arrival of Father’s day with every day that passed since Mother’s Day, like I did in years past. I didn’t find myself focusing on my own jealousies and feelings of insecurity as I let anger seep into my heart because I didn’t have a dad to wrap my mortal arms around and hug with all the love in my heart. I didn’t have a meltdown in the card aisle because I don’t have a way to send my dad a Father’s day card and how unfair it is that he was taken from us at such a young age. Whatever the reason, there was no pity party. I was somehow distracted enough to be spared the days of dread leading up to this celebration of the amazing men in my life. I guess you could say that it snuck up on me this year. I knew it was coming, I prepared for it yesterday and so when I was sitting in church and they announced the hymn, itkind of took me by surprise and I thought, “oh yeah… here we go again”. But to my surprise, I didn’t get transported back to the sadness that I bore sitting in the front pew of the chapel 21 years ago. This year, I felt a warmth fill my soul as I was barely able to mouth the words of the hymn. I was so overcome with a feeling of love that I didn’t even notice the people sitting next to me asking me a question in the middle of the song. This year, for the first time in the 20 Father’s Days that have come and gone since my dad left this earth, I didn’t feel like an orphan. The talks today were so beautiful and the lessons were exactly what I needed to help me to be able to feel the closeness of my earthly father as well as my Heavenly Father, as I felt their spirits convey to me the love that I have felt cheated out of every year for the past 20 years. This year is a turning point. While I no longer remember what my dad’s embrace feels like and I no longer remember the sound of his voice, I was able to be touched by his spirit and my soul felt his love in a whole new way.

Today, I no longer feel the need to be a hater. I feel liberated of the burden of dreading this holiday and I feel more able to focus with true sincerity on the amazing father figures in my life who have carried me all these years and in their own small ways, helped to fill the void that has been present in my life, not just on a designated day in June, but every single day that has passed since June 28^th, 1993. I know with everything in me that it is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we are able to heal from hurts and losses and the injustices of this life. It is through the Atonement that that I will be able to spend time with my dad again after I have completed my purpose on this earth. Today, I am truly grateful for that knowledge and for the peace and comfort and hope that it brings to my life and I feel like part of the wound of losing my dad has finally healed. Sometimes it takes years for that healing to come, but I trust that everything happens on God’s timetable and today, I am truly happy for not only my earthly father, but for a Heavenly Father that continues to have patience with me when it sometimes takes me a REALLY long time to understand things.

With all sincerity, Happy Father's Day!!!

Thank you Mom!

I recently read a blog post from someone who made a list of things he wanted to thank his mom for. I was inspired to make my own list of things that I have never thanked my mom for.

Here are a few of the highlights:

Thank you for letting me speak my mind even though you thought the teachers would hold my opinions against my brothers when they got to high school.

Thank you for allowing me to make mistakes.

Thank you for teaching me to stand up for what is right. 

Thank you for NOT allowing me to date a 25 year old when I was 16 (that could have ended badly!)

Thank you for not buying me a car. Learning to pay for my own things has taught me to appreciate all my junk.

Thank you for not letting me dress immodest.

Thank you for encouraging me to go to church even when no one else was going.

Thank you for making me have a curfew.

Thank you for all the times when you have held my hand while I was sick or scared.

Thank you for teaching me how to forgive.

Thank you for teaching me that family is the most important institution.

Thank you for loving Wayne even though you thought I was rushing into that. And thank you for making me promise that we would get sealed in the temple.

Thank you for your example on how to serve others.

Thank you for teaching me about grace.

Thank you for making me do chores.

Thank you for being the glue that has held our family together.

Thank you for the time you gave me Baby Alive for Christmas (when I already had kids of my own).

Thank you for making me baby sit my siblings growing up. And for letting me watch the Donny and Marie show in your bedroom on Friday nights as payment for babysitting.

Thank you for loving my dad.

Thank you for German Chocolate cake (even though it never was my favorite, you thought it was and went out of your way to do that on my birthday because you wanted it to be special)

Thank you for making me the coolest Barbie house ever!

Thank you for letting me leave home and pretend I was all grown up. (As I have put kids in a car and waved goodbye to them, I realize how hard that must have been for you!)

Thank you making me in your image… I can’t imagine anyone more beautiful that I would rather look just like.

Thank you for the Halloween costumes you have put together over the years (especially “The Bum”).

Thank you for a million other things that I have never thanked you for, but most importantly thank you for being YOU!

I love you!

W

Jigsaw Puzzles and Eternity

Recently I bought a jigsaw puzzle and sat down with my two teenagers to put it together. It looked like a fun puzzle when I bought it but it turned out to be a lot harder than I had originally anticipated.

The design repeated itself a bit in the puzzle which made it difficult to figure out which part of the puzzle we were working on….

The pieces were very irregularly shaped. ..More so than normal jigsaw puzzles.  Some of the interior pieces had straight edges, which totally messed with my OCD, since I am admittedly one of THOSE people who insist on doing the border of the puzzle first then the interior. There must be order to the chaos of a puzzle.

So we worked on this for a couple of days. When we were almost finished, my son made a comment He said, “This would be impossible to put together if you didn't have a picture to look at.”

That got me thinking about the parallels between our purpose here on earth and the jigsaw puzzle.

1.      Things aren’t always as we expect them to be. Sometimes the pieces we have to put together in our life don’t come in the shapes we expect them to. Sometimes we find the right piece for the trial we are trying to solve in the most unexpected places.

2.      There are patterns that repeat themselves. Sometimes we don’t learn the lesson the first time, so we have to try again. We might have a little more information the second time around, which may help us find the right fit, but sometimes it just takes several attempts of trial and error to figure stuff out. Sometimes all we have to go by is the shape of the pattern to find the right piece.

3.      There are always smaller pictures within the big picture. If we only focus on the big picture, it can be overwhelming and we want to give up because we think it’s just too hard. But if we focus on the smaller pictures within the puzzle and put those together first, then it helps us to better understand how the big picture will come together.

4.      It’s important to understand where the boundaries are, so you can focus on working within the boundaries. Otherwise you might be spending all your time and effort in the wrong places.

5.    The big picture is our guide on how to navigate the little pictures and to know where the smaller pictures fit within our lives and how all the smaller pictures connect to accomplish the larger goal. The big picture can also serve as a measure of progress for us to know how we are doing on the little things and can help us to understand what the ultimate purpose of the “puzzle” is. As the little pictures come together, it gives us a sense of accomplishment and joy to be able to look back and see how far we have come and to see the beauty of how all of our given pieces have fit together to create the portrait of our lives.

6.     The picture isn’t complete without each and every piece… each trial, each success, each person who has touched our lives, each moment along the way. The puzzle is not ever complete if any one piece is missing. So each moment of our lives is important in our own puzzle.

Without the ‘big picture’ in life (the gospel), it would be nearly impossible to put together all the things we have to deal with and accomplish during our earthly journey. It would be like trying to put a puzzle together upside down without looking at the print. It would be difficult to navigate and would be a lot more trial and error, a lot more frustration, require a lot more time and we would miss out on the beauty of the finished picture.

I can’t imagine trying to go through life without being able to look at the big picture and let that help me figure out how everything fits together.

Top Ten List for 2013

As 2013 is kicked to the curb and 2014 is ushered in, I have been pondering about the things I have learned last year and how I might expand on that knowledge and continue to grow from those lessons in the coming year.

There were many highs and lows and lots of contrasting emotions throughout the year.

There has been joy with the birth of a new grandbaby and grief at that passing of my grandfather just a few weeks later.

Nana graduated from high school and we celebrated a 16th birthday, an 18th birthday, a 21st birthday all within a few weeks of each other and Braden got his Eagle Scout award.

Emma announced that we will have another grand daughter this coming summer!

I checked “write a book” off my bucket list. Well, I didn’t really publish a book, but I wrote down 15 or 16 chapters of organized thoughts about lessons I learned from my amazing dad to commemorate his passing 20 years ago…. So I am going to call that my “book”. (see the Project Elephant blog posts if you are interested in reading my “book”)

We started a new business and exceeded our goals and expectations for how we wanted our first year to go.

I learned much about myself and God and spiritual things as I pondered and studied for a weekly lesson on Sundays.

So much to reflect on, but I decided to narrow down my lessons learned to a top 10 list!

1.       It’s ok to wear colored socks. The world is more beautiful if it is a little less black and white.

2.       It’s ok to love myself…. Unconditionally. It’s really the first step in being able to extend that kind of love to others.

3.       It costs nothing to forgive, and you have so much to gain.

4.       Sometimes the friendship you crave is waiting where you least expect it.

5.       Some days there is just not enough chocolate!

6.       Recognizing the hand of God in my life every day is a beautifully comfortable place to exist.

7.       It’s better to share…. The more we share, the more God blesses us with.

8.       Trust… my instincts, my family, my spirituality, God…. It’s liberating to learn to take that leap of faith, knowing that things will work out and that I don’t have to have all the answers before I embark on a quest.

9.       Tolerance.  Which is not the same as patience!

10.   Dirty Diet Coke and Wittches Brew… How ever did I get through life without these things?

Thank you all for sharing in my journey. I am so glad you have been along for the ride. I look forward to the new adventures that 2014 will bring.

How Much Did Mary Know?

I have been thinking a lot this month about the story of the nativity and also the Christmas song, “Mary Did You Know.” It has really caused me to wonder how much Mary knew about what the plan was for her son. Surely she must have known he was something special because of the circumstances surrounding his conception and also from the visits from angels.

I can’t help but remember when my babies were tiny and I would rock them or watch them sleep and how I would wonder what they would be like when they grew up. What would they look like? What would their interests be? What kind of example would they be to others? What kind of choices would they make as they started becoming adults? What callings in the church would they hold? What kind of parents will they make? What will their babies look like?

As a mother, I imagine Mary wondered a lot about the future of her son.  When she looked at his tiny little face, could she fathom the enormity of who her child was? Did she have any idea what her child’s calling on this earth would entail? Did she know that he was destined to die a horrific death? Did she know the example that her child would become for the entire world? Did she understand about the pre-existence and did she know what her child did in the grand council in heaven?

I was always a protective mother. I always wanted to know where my kids were and what they were doing and who they were with. I wonder how Mary found the strength to trust God and let her son do what He needed to do from a very young age, knowing how important he was. I often ponder what it must have been like for her when He was crucified and how hard that must have been for her to know that He was suffering, but that it had to happen like that. What strength she must have possessed to be the mother of Christ!

I often wonder about the personality of Mary and about her tender relationship with her son. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have the responsibility of being the mother of Christ…. And then I remember that God loves all His children equally.

So even though I am not the mother of Christ, I am the mother of four of God’s children whom He loves equally and while that is an enormous responsibility when you think of it, I feel so blessed to know that I have been entrusted with such a tender calling on this earth. I wish I had realized this 24 years ago as I was preparing to become a mother for the first time. There are probably a lot of things I would have done differently. But as I have really thought about this, this Christmas season, I am thrilled to have finally realized what special spirits God has entrusted me with. I don’t look at my children the same now. I look at them more with awe and wonderment and excitement about their potential, knowing that they might be my flesh and blood, but they are so much more than the parts of them that came from me.

Thankful 2013

Thankful 2013

Day 1 Today I am thankful to have a job where I can have the freedom to come and go as I need to in order to accomplish the things that I used to have anxiety over when I couldn't just leave work to go home and take care of them.... like raking leaves in the rain.

Day 2 Today I am thankful for food storage... for the freedom to choose to store extra food, for a place to keep extra food on hand, for the ability to budget to have the means to acquire it, and finally for the knowledge to know how to turn it into something yummy!

Day 3  Day 3 see blog post

Day 4 Today I am thankful for my family... I have sibs and kids/grandkids scattered from Washington to Texas to New Jersey. I am grateful for the technology that allows me to keep in touch with them on a very personal level and keep up with what's going on in their lives...  you ALL so much!!!

Day 5 Today I am thankful for roots.... big, strong, deep roots that keep me grounded and give me a greater sense of belonging on this earth. I am grateful for the legacy that my ancestors have left for me and the struggles they went through to allow me to have the gospel of Christ in my life. I am privileged to have personally known some pretty amazing people during their turn on this earth. I try every day to remember many of the so that I never lose the closeness I feel to those who have passed on.

Day 6 Today I am thankful for friends. I like to think that we had close friends before we came to this life and every now and then we come across these friends here on earth. I feel there are those people who, when we meet up, our spirits immediately recognize the familiarity of each other and you feel such a deep connection. Once you have reunited with one of these friends, not even geography can separate the connection.  I have run across a few of these dear friends in my days and they are such a blessing to me.  I am also grateful for the everyday friends. Those people who attempt to understand me on a daily basis… the ones who tolerate my shortcomings… those people who give me a hug or a smile or a card or tell me that I look nice when we both know that I am having a bad hair day…. the ones who gently try to help me see new perspectives so that I can be a little better today than I was yesterday. Whatever would I do without you!

Day 7 Today I am thankful for storms. Storms can be cleansing... both weather related storms and personal storms. During storms, the dirt and filth can get washed away and afterward, things are fresh and clean. Storms can do damage, like knock down trees and help us to take stock of the weakness in our life so we know in which areas we need to do some pruning and grooming to be able to withstand the next storm that comes along. Storms can also bring darkness into our lives by blocking the sun in the sky and Christ in our lives. Going through the storms helps us to better recognize and appreciate the light. So, yes, I am thankful for stormy weather. It is an opportunity for reflection and growth. It is also right after a storm that we see the rainbow. A promise from God….  it’s comforting to me to have the knowledge that God always keeps His promises!

Day 8 Today I am actually thankful for second chances. I am thankful for the opportunity to connect with people that I didn't have the chance to get to know when I first met them for whatever reason. I am glad that people who may have misjudged me at some point in my life (or whom I may have misjudged) are now a part of my life. I am richer because of your influence and examples! I am also thankful for second chances in the regards that we have the opportunity, through the Atonement to start over and do a little better the next time.... for the opportunity to improve and keep attempting to perfect our imperfections.

Day 9 Today I am thankful for perspectives. I am happy that I have people in my life that I can have deep, thought provoking conversations with…that help me to be able to consider things from a different point of view, but still love me when I don’t get it, or if even if I do get it, but respectfully disagree. I am grateful for the ability to have a conversation with God and have Him help me to understand things in a new light.

Day 10 Today I am thankful for opportunities I have to teach. I am not sure if anyone else gets anything out of my lessons, but I certainly learn so much from the chance to REALLY ponder and pray about the topic. Not just my opportunity to teach the 15 year old SS class, but for all the other opportunities that come along to help me to stretch and grow personally as I try to better understand things that will bring me closer to God.

Day 11 Today I am thankful for all the men and women who put their lives on hold and leave their families to protect our freedoms. I am thankful that I can go to sleep at night without fear of the dangers of war. I am thankful that I can wake up in the morning and dress how I want and go where I want and do what I want. I am thankful that I live in a place where we are free to exercise our free agency in so many ways. I am thankful for the freedom to express myself and to share my thoughts and ideas without fear of retribution (although some of you might wish to censor me a bit..lol). I am thankful that my dad taught me respect for this country and the flag and the men and women who protect it. He taught me what it truly means to be patriotic!

Day 12 Today I am thankful for family… for parents who raised me to know right from wrong. For siblings (and their spouses) who have taught me how important it is to stay close to each other. For a hubs that not only loves me, but tolerates me unconditionally. For kids who are so awesome they make me look like a great mom. For their spouses for putting up with my kids’ quirks.  For my sweet ,sweet grandkids who bring so much joy into my life. For the in-laws (and the outlaws..LOL).  For cousins and aunts and uncles who have taught me that friends may come and go, but family is forever. You ALL complete me in so many ways and are all such great examples to me of unconditional love and kindness and forgiveness and tolerance and patience….. when I grow up I want to be just like YOU!

Day 13 Today I am thankful for a nice hot shower and the fact that I no longer smell like frankincense! I am also thankful for a great friend who shared her frankincense..and white fir... and deep blue.... and her other magic potions last night so I could enjoy an evening with a little less pain in my muscles!

Day 14 Today I am thankful for things that give me physical comfort. In no particular order: soup and homemade rolls, homemade mac and cheese, salted caramel hot chocolate… sweat shirts and yoga pants…  the cold side of the pillow, fluffy down comforters and  memory foam…  massage, heating pads, muscle relaxers, and pain medication.. and most importantly hugs!

Day 15 Today I am thankful for employees so that I don't have to carry the whole load myself! We have been so blessed with two people who have really high integrity and an awesome work ethic. I enjoy coming to work each day and associating with such great people!

Day 16 Today I am thankful for snuggles from my sweet Oakley and her smile that lights up whenever someone talks to her. I am thankful for all our grandbabies and for the sweet spirits that they have. My only regret is that we don't get to have snuggles from our Texas babies more often!

Day 17 Today I am thankful to the knowledge that I have of the Savior and the Atonement and for the peace and comfort that has brought into my life over the years. I am comforted each day when I am able to spend time on my knees asking for forgiveness and for the ability to start fresh each day and know that I don't have to be perfect, and it's ok to strive to do and be just a little better than I was the day before!

Day 18 Today I am thankful for customers! Without them, I would be able to do a job that I love... I wouldn't be able to spend all day with my hubs.. and I wouldn't have met so many awesome people in our community! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for supporting our business!!!

Day 19 Today I am thankful for intelligence.... I was pondering how far I have come in a year in learning what I needed to know to do something that I have never done before and be able to open a business with my husband in an industry that neither of us had any experience in. When I first started taking the classes to get my insurance license, I was really afraid that I would not be able to understand enough to be able to sell it. (I was never good with legal language...LOL) But through a lot of prayer and a priesthood blessing, even this old dog was able to learn something new and be able to apply it in a way that can help and bless other people's lives. I am also thankful for common sense. This is an important aspect of intelligence and I have discovered that it is not so common.

Day 20 Today I am thankful for Karma. While I don't wish ill fortune on anyone (ok, that's a lie....) I guess I should say, while I strive to do better at not wishing bad juju on anyone..... Let me just say that when someone does something intentionally hurtful towards me or someone I care about, and I choose to turn the other cheek and just let it go, it is nice to know that there are forces at work in the universe that will eventually set things right! It makes it easier to let things go when you understand the cosmic power of Karma!

Day 21 Today I am thankful for my body. Feet and legs that take me where I need to go, arms that let me hug people and hands that allow me to serve others, eyes that let me appreciate the beauty of the earth, ears that let me hear Christmas music, a heart that allows me to feel pain... and to feel love, a mind that lets me discern right from wrong and a spirit that allows me to know and feel things that my physical body is not capable of.

Day 22 Today I am thankful for sunshine. It might mean that I can see my breath when I step outside and I may have to be inconvenienced by having to scrape my windows, but it is a most welcome unexpected thing this time of year when it is normally quite dreary around here. It also makes me a little homesick... since it's very much like Idaho weather, but I'll take it!!!

Day23 Today I am thankful for the tradition of pumpkin cheesecake and everything it represents!

Day 24 Today I am thankful for gratitude... I gained some great new perspectives today that I hadn't thought about before. One person mentioned that he would be as rich as Midas if he could just touch gratitude daily! LOVED that idea. I am going to continue doing my daily dose of gratitude long after November is over. (Don't worry, I won't bore you with them beyond this month). Thank you Sherri Hathaway and Michael McGraw for your thoughts today... it was a great meeting!

Day 25 I broke a cardinal rule today of the tradition of pumpkin cheesecake. Someone that we gave a pie to offered me a slice... and I did eat! It was delicious to the taste and very desirable for breakfast. I have now been called to repentance.... thankfully, there are not a lot of things in this world that we can't repent of and try to be a little better tomorrow. So today, I am thankful for the gift of repentance so that on days when I am weak and give in to temptation, I don't have to live forever in my sin!

Day 26 Today I am thankful for an awesome landlord who fixes things quickly when something wears out or breaks down... (and it's kind of nice to be able to call someone ELSE to repair or replace stuff!!!!) YAY! for having a dryer again so my company doesn't have to sleep on dirty sheets!!!

Day 27 Today I am thankful that I don’t have to do anything today except hang out with the fam. ... glad that Em & Coty &Diane were able to get here safely.

Day 28 Today I am thankful for soggy dressing, under cooked rolls, lumpy potatoes, runny gravy, dry turkey and for the hands that helped me prepare it. Because it means that I have more than enough to eat and a family to share it with!

Day 29 We went to see Frozen tonight.... on the way home the kids were quoting every line in the movie and laughing about it. Wayne's mom said: I really like the way they did the colors on the ice. Nana: Grandma, you do realize it was a cartoon, right? HAHAHA.... Today I am thankful for laughter. I love the way our family always finds humor in almost everything. I am thankful for the moments when we laugh so hard we leak!

Day 30 With all the chaos of this week, which included 10 people, 3 dogs and a tv simultaneously making noise, lots of cooking, shopping and wrapping and trying to keep everyone happy, fed and entertained.... tonight, I sit alone in a dark room, listening to the clock tick and a stuffy baby sleeping on my shoulder.... immensely grateful for solitude!

The Reason Behind Christmas Challenge

During the month of November I have been participating in the Facebook trend to post a daily dose of gratitude. I started this last year and since then I have been much more aware of all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for. It has helped me over the past year to not just look for the obvious things but to dig a little deeper and to also recognize WHY I am thankful for certain things.
When November is over, I stop posting them daily on FB, but I do continue to notice them daily and it has made such a difference in my life over the past year.
Today, a friend posted this video on Facebook and I got thinking....

The Reason Behind Christmas

There are some awesome thought provoking ideas in that video and what if I were to take each day in December and focus on one gift that I possess that I could give away? Perhaps one day I could focus on smiling at everyone I come in contact with. One day I could focus on letting someone cut in front of me in every line I am in.. traffic, the grocery store, etc... Or maybe one day I could give a compliment to every person I talk to......Maybe I could go one whole day without sighing or rolling my eyes.... maybe I could take cookies to people I don't know very well....Maybe one day I can focus on being a peacemaker, or at least not cause controversy...LOL.. .Maybe one day, when I ask people how they are doing, I will truly listen...Maybe one day, I could exercise extra patience with each person I come in contact with....

I think you get the picture....

If being more thankful each day for a whole month can have such a positive impact on my life, then I wonder.... really wonder what kind of changes could happen if I gave the gift of myself each day for a whole month?

I extend the invitation to you all to take this challenge with me and share your experiences as we make this journey together!

"May we all make the journey to Bethlehem in spirit, taking with us a tender, caring heart as our gift to the Savior" ~President Thomas S Monson

Tradition of the Pumpkin Cheesecake

Many years ago (at least 13) we started a fun tradition in our family.

As the holidays were approaching, I was trying to figure out a way to teach my small children about

sacrifice and being charitable.

It was the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I had just gotten a wonderful recipe from my sister in law for Pumpkin Cheesecake.

I got the idea to make 6 of these cheesecakes.(Ambitious, I know!)

The kids watched me labor in the kitchen on Monday and make these cheesecakes and their eyes kept getting bigger with each one I made. I did not talk to them about why I was making them, but I did let them help by licking the spatula so that they could get a small taste of the yummy flavors that I was putting together.

Monday night, I got the whole family together and put a full pie in front of each one. The kids eyes about popped out of their heads as they considered the possibilities of an entire cheesecake being set in front of them. 

I talked to them about sacrifice and about being charitable and how sometimes, we need to give to others even when it means that we may have have to sacrifice and go without something that we REALLY want.

Then I asked them each to pick a family that they knew that they were thankful for  and would like to do something nice for. Each of us wrote down the name of a family and then I explained that we were going to take our cheesecakes and deliver them to the families that we each picked. (Yes, ALL of them.)

They were hesitant at first and felt like they had been tricked and really didn't want to give all the pies away. (Later in the week, I made another one for us to enjoy, but they didn't know of my plans at the time) And so began our longstanding tradition of the Pumpkin Cheesecake.

Every year since then, I have made 6 pies and the Sunday or Monday before Thanksgiving, we pick 6 new families and deliver our pies.

It is no longer a sacrifice for them to choose a name, in fact there is often a race to pick a family before someone else picks that family. They start thinking about it earlier and earlier each year and looking around them to see who will be the recipient of their "sacrifice" that year.

We have maintained a few rules throughout the years....

1. They can't pick someone who will be sharing it with the giver.

2. They can't pick someone who has been picked before. 

(This starts to get challenging after a few years living in the same place)

3. No one outside of family gets to have the secret recipe. ( I have broken tradition a bit this year and shared it with a few people who I consider "family")

So... if you have ever been the recipient of one of the Pumpkin Cheesecakes, you are likely someone who has had a positive impact on someone in our family. 

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your example!

If you have not... fear not....

 even though the family is growing up and moving on, 

the tradition remains strong.

We still do 6 pies every year and everyone who is near, still participates in the delivering of the pies.

Even if you don't get one this year, that doesn't lessen the impact that so many of you have on our family and it doesn't lessen our gratitude for your amazing examples.

YOUR TURN WILL COME!

Thankful Day 3... A Roof Over My Head!

Like so many Facebook users, I totally buy into the Daily Dose of Gratitude that seems to pop up on a daily basis during the month of November. I drank the kool-aid for the first time last year and it was life changing. I did like most other participants and mentioned that I was thankful for my family and all the obvious things, with short but sweet paragraphs each day.

At the end of November, I stopped posting them, but I didn’t stop noticing the things that I was grateful for on a daily basis. After publicly acknowledging my gratitude for 30 consecutive days, it sort of became a habit to notice those things. Just because I stopped posting my daily dose of gratitude, does not mean that I stopped being grateful for something every single day. As a result of being more aware of this over the past year, I have decided to be a little more thoughtful this year in considering what I am thankful for.

I teach a class on Sunday to 15/16 year old kids. An underlying theme that has seemed to be a continuation of my gratitude project from last November, has been to try to encourage the students to look for the hand of God in their life. By continuing to focus on that in my own life, it has raised my awareness for those tender mercies that we see on a daily basis…. I don’t want to go into all of that again, because I have blogged about it already. (See my posting ,http://www.mommagunn.blogspot.com/2013/08/have-i-seen-hand-of-god-in-my-life-today.html  for a great story about this) I do, however,  mention this so that you might better understand the depths of my feelings about what I am thankful for today.

Today, I am thankful for a roof over my head!

Yesterday, the weather was forecast to be very windy and rainy. A typical blustery day in the Pac NW. Mother Nature did not disappoint… at least in the early part of the day.

Some friends of ours who happened to be out of town (tender mercy) had a tree fall on their home and crushed the roof and did a lot of damage to the inside of the home. Wayne got a call to go and help inspect it and see what could be done to secure it for them. Weather was a huge concern.

I went along, not because I thought I was capable of helping remove a tree from someone’s home, but I thought I could be useful in small ways like fetching things and tossing them onto the roof so the men didn’t have to keep going up and down… and holding the flashlight while they tried to navigate the debris with a chainsaw in the dark…. I am so lucky to have been able to witness so many small miracles during the hours it took to secure this home.

First off… remember that rainy, windy, blustery day that was forecast? Well the clouds parted and the wind stopped…. at least for the few hours needed to complete this act of service. It would have been so much more dangerous for the guys to be up on that roof if it had been raining and the wind continuing the gust. (Tender mercy)

There were many holes in the roof from the tree branches that pokes down like spears through much of the roof. The men were able to know (even in the dark) where it would be safe to stand and walk without falling through the weakened roof. (Tender mercy)

The guys who showed up were blessed with the exact knowledge of how to remove this huge tree without doing any further damage to the home or hurting each other. If you have never witnessed trees being knocked down with a chainsaw, then you might not understand how precise you need to be on how you hack up a tree. There is actually a lot of physics involved, especially when the tree is resting precariously at an angle in the middle of someone’s roof. You don’t want any part of the tree to fall inside the home, you don’t want part of the tree to fall down and go through the side of the house and you don’t want the weight to shift at the top of the tree and knock someone off the roof. (Tender mercy)

As I was on the ground holding the flashlight, and the tree was finally removed to reveal a gaping hole in the roof, someone mentioned that just stretching plastic sheeting over the hole might not work because if it rains, it will just pool on the plastic and eventually give way and flood the home.  At that moment they noticed a pile of new 2x4’s stacked up next to the home… almost like they were just there waiting for a purpose… now they had one! (Tender mercy)

With the lumber building a bridge across the hole and the plastic stretched over it, they decided they needed a way to secure the edges of the plastic since the staples where going all the way through it. Someone just happened to have a bunch of molding trim pieces that he had removed from his own home… EXACTLY what they needed to secure the edges of the plastic to keep it in place! The molding even still had the nails in it! (Tender mercy)

One guy who showed up to help happened to have a compressor and all the right air tools they needed in his van. (Tender mercy)

The antique furniture in the bedroom was not affected and was able to be removed safely. (Tender mercy)

A neighbor was able to witness the people from my friend’s church all coming together to help him, (the neighbor who was left to oversee the home in their absence), secure the home and fulfill the responsibility he felt to look after his neighbors home as promised. Perhaps a missionary opportunity? (Tender mercy)

My heart breaks for this family to have to go through this tragedy, but it was such an amazing opportunity to see the hand of God working in their life. It really is nearly impossible to tally the tender mercies that took place last night and I am certain there will be more as this event unfolds for them.

So today… I am grateful for a roof over my head… something that up until last night, I sort of took for granted! I am grateful that, as I sit in my cozy home and feel secure, I can look out any window and see gorgeous landscape and scenery and in every direction I can see amazing neighbors that I can count among my friends. As I look under my roof, I see the love of the beautiful family that I have been blessed with. (But that is a whole new level of gratitude that I shall save for another day!)

What Constitutes An Increase?

In preparing to teach a lesson to 15 and 16 year old kids about finances, I have discovered that there are lots of ways to present this topic. I have really been pondering it a lot this week and feel strongly that I need to focus on teaching them about the principle of tithing.

Although we have some general guidelines, it seems to still have a lot of gray area and be open for interpretation.  There are always questions such as:

Do I pay my monetary tithe based on net or gross pay?

Do I pay tithing on money that was a gift?

What constitutes an “increase” in my life?

 I feel this is a topic that can be deeply personal and what you base your offering on is ultimately between you and the Lord. I am in no way implying that I have received special revelation and claim to be an expert on this topic. This is just me sharing my new outlook based on some ideas that came to me while prayerfully preparing a lesson.

We participate in an annual interview to declare our tithe status to our church leader, but we are not required to provide financial information to prove whether we are truly a full tithe payer. So it is up to us an individuals and families to decide what our status is. That is where the gray area comes in. Each individual has the opportunity to decide for themselves where they stand with the Lord and what they feel is the right way to calculate what constitutes a full tithe.

So in preparing this lesson, I am anticipating some hard questions, because this class is very thoughtful and they like to keep me on my toes with the thought provoking questions that they come up with. With that said, no matter how much I prepare, I am not likely to be fully equipped to give them a black and white answer since it is so personal and between them and the Lord (and perhaps their religious leader).

In pondering, however, I have had some time to reflect on this and take stock of my own personal attitudes toward paying tithing and have had some new ideas come to me that I had never considered before, that relate to this idea. I want to share a few thoughts that have come to mind as I have prayerfully considered this upcoming lesson. I do not mean to imply that my thoughts here are the hard fast rules to paying tithes. This is only meant to be thought provoking in a way perhaps you, like me, had never thought about before.

As this thought was starting to form in my head, it was like trying to blow a gum bubble with gum that I had just put in my mouth. I had to chew on this for a bit before I understood what the bubble was going to look like.

Let’s base this on the idea that every increase in our life is a gift from God, and we are asked to give back 10% of that.

The question I have been pondering is…. What constitutes an increase? Is it solely a monetary increase? Or is there a way to somehow calculate  ALL the Lord has blessed us with? Are there other increases in our lives that we should be including in our tithes?  Confused? Me too!!

My train of thought is somewhat in line with the “pay it forward” concept. How much are our lives enriched by acts of service and kindness?  How many times in a day does someone cross your path and in some small way uplift you? Those tender mercies that I believe come from a loving Father in Heaven prompting someone to take action on our behalf….You know what I am talking about… a smile, a compliment, a hug, a dandelion picked from the yard by a child, a gift, a visit from a friend, a plate of cookies.. right when you needed it most…. The list could go on and on….

So how do I quantify THAT increase in my life? It’s nearly impossible I think, to put a price on those other increases in our lives that we often take for granted or even more shamefully have a sense of entitlement about. This exercise has helped me to be more cognizant of those types of increases in my life and when I am called upon to “be the good” in someone else’s life, I will now consider it an opportunity to tithe my time, talents, and anything else I have been blessed with, to increase the richness of someone else’s life.

It's All About the Frosting

Stick with this one… the point is not what you are expecting…

I enjoy the pleasure I get from eating, I love the taste of food, the texture of food, the way some foods squish between your teeth….but there are certain foods that, while I love the taste of them, I just don’t like eating because they are complicated or messy. Like fried chicken and ribs… there is just not a delicate way to eat them without getting your fingers or face messy….

My doctor has recently advised me to add more citrus fruits to my diet to help with some problems I have been experiencing. Most citrus fruits rank high on my list of messy food. I love grapefruit, but I feel like I need a shower after I eat it… and I love oranges, but they are just so messy to peel. I don’t like getting my hands dirty. So my typical self would rather suffer with my medical issues, than deal with the messiness of eating citrus fruit. Today, I was sitting at my desk working away, not eating, because I am a work-a-holic and it just takes too much time to eat. Without me saying a word about it, my main squeeze walks up to my desk and sets down a peeled orange… that’s true love I tell you! LOVE THAT MAN!!!! He might as well have given me roses or chocolate. Peeling my orange spoke volumes to me of how much he loves me!

Anyway… back to my thought…

There are a few edible creations, however, that I will make an exception for, because it’s just worth the effort. Such as licking the beaters when there is frosting on them. There is no way to do that without getting frosting on your nose or cheeks, but it is worth the mess and the effort it takes to get the frosting off the beaters. I will say though, that I have recently discovered that it is not nearly as messy if you turn the mixer off before you try to lick them! Unbelievable how much better that works!

As I have pondered this today, I have thought about how it relates to the relationships in our lives. I can think of several people whom I have avoided having a relationship with because I perceive that it might be messy. You all have these people in your life. The ones where  you might have to put forth the effort to peel away what’s on the outside to get to the deliciousness on the inside. Those people who you keep at arm’s length because enjoying their friendship might be complicated and difficult and uncomfortable and yes, you might have to get your hands dirty once in a while.

Those people whom I have let into my life are like the frosting… most are still messy, but in a very rewarding kind of way and it’s worth the effort to enjoy them… sometimes it can even be an adventure  if you forget to turn off the mixer first... LOL!

Thinking about this today has made me determined to try to enjoy more “fried chicken and grapefruit” in my life, even if it means getting my hands dirty. We all need the variety because, as with our diet, I believe that more variety in our circle of friends will help us be more mentally and spiritually healthy and well balanced. We all need  expand our comfort zones and move past what we see on the surface and plow through the complicated and messy parts of relationships by “getting our hands dirty” to find what’s hiding beneath the surface of the people that we keep at arm’s length. I know that there is beauty there and that we are only denying ourselves the privilege of being able to enjoy the strengths of those around us.

 I want more frosting in my life… chocolate frosting… pink frosting… butter cream frosting… cream cheese frosting…with sprinkles on top!!

Have I Seen The Hand of God in My Life Today?

In the October 2007 General Conference President Eyring gave a talk that really stuck with me. Recently, in teaching a 15/16 year old Sunday school class, an excerpt of this video resurfaced as part of the lesson I was trying to teach. The topic of the lesson was how keeping a journal can bless our families.

https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ss/marriage-and-family/journal?lang=eng#video=o-remember-remember

I have attached the clip so you can understand where this blog is coming from…

Let me just preface this by saying I am a horrible journal keeper… which is one of the reasons why I have started blogging… it seemed like a fun way to do some journaling. I need to do a better job at writing things down that are more private that I can’t share in a public way so that my family will have a record of my thoughts someday.

Since I heard this talk back in 2007, I have tried to be more cognizant of God’s hand in my life. It’s amazing to me that the more I look for it, the more I notice evidence of it.

About 13 years ago, I was in a car accident. We had driven nearly 600 miles that day from Montana back to Boise and just a few blocks from home, a driver was talking on his cell phone and ran a stop sign and t-boned my car. It triggered a neurological disorder that has been a big trial for me since I deal with chronic pain now, every day of my life. I have often pondered the circumstances that caused me to be in that exact place at that exact moment in time. What if I had tarried a few extra minutes at a gas station along the way or what if I had driven a few mph slower for even just a few miles of that trip? I wouldn’t have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Ever since then, whenever I am in a car and something causes me to be delayed… another vehicle driving more slowly than I, a light turning red and causing me to stop, a pedestrian crossing a road… I smile and think that it might be God preventing me from being in the wrong place and helping me to avoid another trial in my life.

A few weeks ago, I had to take a drive from my town in Bonney Lake to a neighboring town to the northeast, Federal Way. On the way there, I noticed that the freeway was quite backed up due to the lateness of the afternoon. I decided I would take an alternate route home and avoid much of the back-up and then hop on the freeway closer to home. On that alternate route, I discovered that the road I needed to take to the freeway was closed for a few weeks, which meant I had to drive through a LOT of road construction in Edgewood. I chuckled to myself as I thought of my theory about being delayed while driving. I thought no big deal, I would just pop up over the hill through Edgewood, drop down into another little town, Sumner and then get on a different freeway. I got over the hill and as I was just about to get into Sumner, there was a semi jack-knifed on across the road. It was evident that he was REALLY stuck and it was going to be a while….  Again, no big deal, I turned around and went back a different way. By now I was to the point of relying on the GPS for a third route and when the GPS told me to turn left, I reluctantly obeyed. (The GPS and I frequently have trust issues). I followed the road back down the hill only to find myself face to face with the SAME jack-knifed semi.  It was as if God was playing with matchbox cars and every turn I made, he placed an obstacle in my path to prevent me from getting back home. I was surprisingly NOT upset. I was laughing out loud when I called my hubs to tell him that I would NOT be returning to work that day because God didn’t want me to…LOL! I once again turned around thinking, “OK God. I get it. I needed to be delayed for some reason, and since it is too late to return to work, I just need to get home now.” I once again turned to the GPS, this time ignoring the prompt to “turn left” at a particular intersection. I followed the directions into another little town, Milton, only to get stopped by a train! I finally found my way to Puyallup to get on the same freeway I was trying to avoid to begin with only a LOT farther south than where I needed to be! I made it home safe and sound. I have no doubt that God’s hand was at work in my life. I will probably never know what may have happened if I had not encountered all those delays, but I am grateful that I can recognize the hand of God in my life.

In retrospect, perhaps God's hand was in my life the day of my car accident. I believe that we all knew what kind of trials we were going to have to face before we came to earth. I can't help but wonder if my medical challenges were something that I knew I would have to deal with and that indeed God's hand was in my life that day. My car was totalled, my daughter had to be extricated from the car on a back board, but yet our lives were spared. We had no cuts or broken bones and my daughter, who was sitting in the seat where the impact happened, has had no lasting effects from the accident. I doubt she even remembers it. Indeed God's hand was in our life that day as well!

So back to my Sunday school lesson…. I gave each of the kids a notebook and challenged them to start writing down their thoughts and pondering at the end of each day, this question:

“Have I seen the hand of God in my life today?”

I am excited each day to look for the possibilities and I find myself pondering this question several times throughout the day. When I recognize those moments when God is gently interceding in my life, I take a moment to be grateful and to communicate with God that I am well aware of his tender mercies in my life. I dare you to try it… like I said earlier, the more you look for it, the more you notice evidence of it.

Why We Should Shower Regularly

We had a discussion in my 16 yr old Sunday School class that I felt was worth remembering. It was not something that I had planned on discussing, it just sort of "came up" and I wanted to remember it. I thought it might be worthy of blogging about.

We were talking about why we should go to church on a regular basis and partake of the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants.

It is no secret that we believe that when we are baptized, we are washed clean of our sins up to that point and we are forgiven and have the opportunity to start over. When we come to church on Sunday, we have the opportunity to partake of the sacrament as part of the repentance process and therefore, it is like being baptized all over again, every time we worthily partake of the sacrament. We do this knowing that we are not perfect and therefore, will likely sin again. Partaking of the sacrament may wash away our previous sins, but it doesn't magically make our shortcomings disappear so that we never sin again.

The discussion that we had was actually about bathing. We bathe on a regular basis, even though we know that we will get dirty again and need another bath. We talked about how we feel when we are camping or something and aren't able to really be clean. The consequences of that uncleanliness cause us to smell bad and that causes us to be ashamed of our appearance. It causes us to not want to go out in public because of what other people might think about us because of our lack of hygiene.  If we go long enough without bathing, the bacteria and filth can cause us to have physical irritations and sores that are unhealthy and can need attention from a Dr to get medicine to heal them.
We also talked about how good it feels to take a nice shower and be clean again after a camping trip.

We compared the feelings of being unclean from not bathing on a regular basis to the feelings we might have if we go very many weeks without partaking of the sacrament. The longer we go without either the sacrament or a shower, the more unclean we feel, the more ashamed we feel about the things that are making us unclean and the more desperately we need to do something to remedy that uncleanliness. It is so much better to not let ourselves get to such a state of uncleanliness by doing what we need to do to maintain good hygiene (physically and spiritually) on a regular basis.

Just like having bad hygiene can cause us to need to seek help to heal our wounds, not partaking of the sacrament can lead to a state of unhealthiness that can also cause us to need to seek additional help to heal those wounds.

I am so thankful for the chance that I have to teach these kids and for the things that they teach me in return. I have gained some amazing insights this year!

Other Mothers

I have been thinking a lot this week about mothers and wanted to share some of my thoughts here… mostly so I will remember them…

Let me start with something that happened yesterday. When I finished saying my prayers in the morning I was walking out of my room and I had the thought that I forgot to pray for my family’s safety, which is something that I do almost daily (except when I forget!).  The thought occurred to me that I should get back on my knees and do that. I talked myself out of it because I was in a hurry and it seemed silly to get back on my knees and say “PS… I forgot to ask for safety for my family today”….. I will NEVER EVER again think it seems silly to drop to my knees and utter such a brief prayer, especially when prompted to do so.

All day I had been planning on attending the temple last night with my hubs and some friends. When it got time to leave, I was running late and didn’t have time to take my car home, so I just left it at my friend’s house and Wayne picked us all up there. I tried to call S to have her get a ride to go over and pick up my car, but I couldn’t get her or her friend to answer their cell phones. No one answered the home phone. Normally I wouldn’t worry too much about that, but then I remembered what happened in the morning with the whole prayer thing and I started to get that tightness in my gut that mom’s get that indicated something is wrong. I kept calling and calling and couldn’t get either one of the girls to answer.

Since we had friends counting on us for a ride, I just put a smile on my face and we left. I knew that I needed to be at the temple last night. About halfway there, I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize…. That is NEVER a good thing!

It was S and she was hysterical. Her phone fell out of her pocket and tumbled down the trail at Victor Falls and she had gone after it. Her legs were all scratched up and she had rope burns all over her hands and wrist and her body ached from the adrenalin rush she had just experienced.

My instinct was to tell Wayne to turn the truck around, but I didn’t want to ruin the plans of the people who were with us and S was at her friend’s house and her friend’s mother was tending to her wounds, so I sucked it up and continued with our plans, knowing that she was being taken care of. The whole time I was at the temple, I felt distracted thinking about S and wondering how bad everything was going to look when I got home. But at the same time, I felt comfort in knowing that she was with an Other Mother and that she would take care of my child. With that said, TWICE while I was at the temple I had such a strong feeling that I was supposed to be there and that BECAUSE I was at the temple, S would be fine. There’s something to be said for being in the right place at the right time!

When I got home last night, I felt like such a horrible mother…. Being in too big of a hurry that morning to get back down on my knees to pray for my children…. and then abandoning one of my children in their hour of need. I have thought a lot about this since last night and this is the point I want to make….

We can’t always be the one to take care of our kid’s needs. Sometimes we have to rely on “Other Mothers” to be there for them when we can’t. It doesn’t make us any less important to our children and it doesn’t make us failures as mothers when someone else needs to step in and temporarily fill that role.  It’s comforting to know that there are other women out there who can have our backs!

I am so thankful for the Other Mother’s that have had a big impact on me and my family. It’s so comforting to know that when I can’t be there, my kids have somewhere they can turn to for help and comfort. My kids have been blessed with some truly amazing “Other Mothers” over the years and I am thankful for each and every one of you.  Without your influence and extra mothering, my children would not be the amazing people that they are today. I am truly blessed to associate with so many wonderful women who are such great examples of what mothers should be.

 I also want to mention my love and adoration for those women who were MY Other Mothers. I really appreciate the example that I had from other choice women while I was growing up and for their extra love and acceptance of me. This absolutely includes the most awesome mother in law that a girl could ask for. Of all the reasons I married Wayne, one of them was absolutely the package deal of getting Diane as one of my Other Mothers!

This takes nothing away from the amazing mother that I was so blessed with. I am not sure what I did in the pre-existence to be so lucky to have her as my mommy, but what a blessing for me that it worked out that way. I try and fail and try again, every single day, to emulate your example of what a mother should be.

Thank you momma for everything you have done for me and for being the most awesome example of unconditional love and kindness and all the other wonderful qualities that you possess. I know that you had it hard, but you made it look so easy because you are so genuine. I love you to the moon and back!

Confessions of an Emotional Hoarder

Today was one of those days when there was a lot of drama in my life.  My hubs and I went out for a bite to eat after work to unwind and sort some of it out…  A dear friend sent me a text message and asked where I was, so I told her. A few minutes later she showed up with a beautiful tulip to show her love and support… what an awesome friend I have!!!

So we all huddled up in the booth to chat, so I could get my weekly dose of my dear friend. (It’s really what helps me get through the week!!)

We started talking about hoarding and she commented that everyone hoards something. She confessed that she hoards craft supplies. As she was saying this, I started taking a mental inventory of everything in my home to try to think of what it is that I hoard.

At first my thought was that if there was ever anything that I can never buy too much of, it would be food storage items. I love the feeling of safety and security I get when I look in the garage and see shelves lined with canned goods and bottled fruit. But as soon as the thought came to me, I realized that I don’t REALLY hoard that since I don’t have an emotional breakdown (like you see on TV) if someone takes a can of chili off the shelf in the garage and eats it when I’m not looking. (Cookies yes, but canned food, no!).

As I thought a little more about the idea that “everyone hoards something”, I wondered what I am so emotionally attached to that it is physically painful for me to let go of.

Then it hit me….

I am an emotional hoarder. I don’t mean this in the sense that I get emotional about material things. I hoard emotions. I have a hard time letting go of emotional baggage. I hoard grudges. I hoard anger.  I hoard spite. I hoard anxiety. I hoard other’s imperfections and shortcomings.  I hoard mental lists of wrongs I feel people have done to me. I hoard all of that negative emotional garbage because it is painful to let go of it and forgive. I have a tendency to want to hang on to those things, to protect myself. My flawed way of thinking is that if I hang on to all those things, then I won’t be vulnerable to letting the acts that caused those emotions, ever hurt me again.

I also hoard positive emotions such as compliments and love and kindness and understanding and forgiveness, by not giving them freely and often to others. There is no reasonable explanation for this. It’s not like, if I generously give those emotions away, that I will ever run out, because I know in my mind that the more I give away, the more reserves I will have to draw from.

What I realized today is this:

By hoarding those negative emotions, we cause ourselves to be hurt over and over by them.  We give too much power to the people that caused them to begin with. If we let them go, sure, we might be vulnerable and we might get hurt again, but in the meantime, we are free from the baggage that weighs us down and holds us back. We are free to fill our emotional storage closets with positive emotions that can help us be more Christ like. We have more space in our lives for love and kindness and understanding and forgiveness.  Our emotional capacity is like the space in our home and if we fill it with unnecessary “stuff” , then there is no space left over for happiness and joy to dwell and we find ourselves out of balance and unable to navigate in a healthy emotional environment.

It is time for an intervention in my life and I am determined to purge my “space” of all the negative thoughts and emotions that I have been hoarding in order to make room for the emotions that will make my life more fulfilling and enjoyable. I am going to try living life with an open heart and that may leave my soul exposed and a little more vulnerable, but I believe that by doing this, there will be more room in my life for joy and happiness!

Stop Shoulding on Yourself

You may remember my blog entry about the two witnesses... Well recently, on two different occasions in totally different ways, I have seen someone question if they are enough. Since it has happened twice in just a few days, it caught my attention and I have started wondering... Am I Enough?

As I have reflected on this I have questioned and thought, If I were to die suddenly:

Am I ENOUGH of a teacher for my Sunday school class? Do I give my preparation ENOUGH of my time and energy to do the topic any justice?
Am I ENOUGH of a daughter? Do I appreciate my mom ENOUGH? Do I show my appreciation ENOUGH?
Am I ENOUGH of a mother? Do I give my kids ENOUGH love? Do I let them know ENOUGH how much I love them or do I take it for granted that they already know?
Am I ENOUGH of a wife? Do I take my husband's love for granted? Am I deserving ENOUGH of all the things he does for me and our family?
Am I ENOUGH of a visiting teacher? Do I give it ENOUGH effort or do I do just ENOUGH to count it?
Am I ENOUGH of a friend? Do I take advantage of people without giving back more than what I get from the relationship?
Am I ENOUGH of an example of what my beliefs are? Do people see ENOUGH of the light of Christ in me to know without a doubt where I stand?
Am I Charitable ENOUGH? Do I give from the heart ENOUGH or do I hold back out of selfishness or fear?
The list could go on and on and on....

We need to be doing enough of the right things to be moving in the right direction and if we do, the Savior will make up the difference.
Some people do enough, but not of the right things OR for the right reasons. For example, if we are doing our visiting teaching, but only for the credit, then we are doing enough, but not of the right thing.
Some people do the right things, but they don't do them enough. Example...if we read our scriptures now and then, but not consistently, we are doing the right thing, just not enough.
We each have to find a balance of what is right and what is enough. It's not a magic formula that applies to everyone. One person's list of the right things may be different than someone else's and your right things may be different at different times of your life. One person's ENOUGH will certainly be different than everyone else's.

I see women I admire doing things that I just am not capable of doing at the same time in my life or at the same level and I frequently find myself "shoulding" on myself.
"I should do more of this or that"
"I should go to more meetings"
"I should be more charitable"
"I should be more like so and so"
"I should be a better wife/ mother/ daughter"
"I should read and study more"

Admit it... you totally know what I'm talking about!
My advice to myself and to you...

WE NEED TO STOP SHOULDING ON OURSELVES!!!!!!!


We have to stop comparing ourselves to what others are doing and stop measuring our ENOUGH against everyone else. It is deeply personal and God knows what the time and season is for us and He knows how much is ENOUGH. We need to spend ENOUGH time on our knees counseling with HIM to discover just what our ENOUGH is.