Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Getting ready for an upcoming wedding, I am trying to do as much as possible ahead of time so I am not stressed out when we get close to the big day....hahahahaha... I know right?

We are going to have a house full of peeps (well.. actually only 4, but it will be crazy so it will FEEL like a house full). Anyway, I decided since I had an extra day off this week and it is raining so I can't do yard work (I think I subconsciously procrastinated it yesterday, KNOWING it was supposed to rain today), I decided to clean a few things that I don't normally clean, like the light fixtures. This way, I don't have to do it in a few weeks and I don't have to worry about my mother seeing an inch of dust bunnies on them (we won't even talk about what is under the couch... I almost lost an arm to them last night!!!) 

Since I am vertically challenged, I needed to stand on a stool to reach the fixture that is hanging in the dining room/library. I have a not-so-trusty stool that I frequently use to reach things in the tops of the kitchen cupboards. This stool has let me down before and today I was reminded of the time when I vowed that this stool and I were done... FOREVER....

Almost a year ago we moved into the house we are now calling home. You know how it is when you are moving into a new home... you are tired and cranky and you just want to get things put away so you sometimes do things that you know in your mind you shouldn't do....

I had some sleeping bags and pillows that I was trying to convince that the top shelf of my closet was going to be their new place of residence... they were being uncooperative as I tried to just toss them up on the shelf... so I thought to myself, "I'll show you"... ok, maybe I said that out loud... 

I grabbed my not-so trusty stool just to give me a little elevation and hopefully a little leverage to FORCE the bags up on to the tippy top shelf in the closet. I got the sleeping bags up there ok and thought there was just enough daylight above them to force the pillow on top of the bags so that I could free up the shelf space for something else that I would probably never use, but wasn't quite ready to part with....

This stool is simply a board with two legs on each side, so it is good for elevation, but as I found out, not so good for leverage... I was on my tip toes trying to be tall enough to force the pillow into a tiny space on TOP of the bags. As I leaned back slightly to get a swing as it, the stool rolled forward, readjusting my center of gravity. (I have enough problems with gravity when my feet are firmly planted on  solid ground) I fell backwards, landing IN the shoe rack that I had just unloaded my high heels on, banging my head on the wall, which then propelled me forward into the clothing hanging on the hangers. I reached up to catch myself, only to get my hands tangles in clothing and hangers and drag them all down with me. 

I am now laying on the floor of the closet with all the shoes, parts of the show rack, clothes, hangers and to add insult to injury, the dang pillow... sitting there on top of me, mocking me! 

My 14 year old son heard the racket and comes running into my bedroom, takes one look at me and yells... "Dad.... Mom down" and walks back into his bedroom. I'm pretty sure he left me laying there, alone in my shame, so he could go into his room and laugh is butt off in private instead of further bruising my ego by doing it in front of me...... he's such a good boy  :)

Nothing like this happened today with my not-so-trusty stool, but I did have a near miss, which reminded me of why I should just get rid of it before we have another "Mom Down" incident and something fatal happens!

Holy Freakin’ Spider Batman!

Last night, B, S and myself were minding our own business, watching Survivor on TV. B looked across the dark family room and saw a huge spider on the wall just above S’s head. He was smiling, thinking that I was pranking S and waiting for the total freak show that was about to happen… until it MOVED!!!! This spider’s body was the size of a nickel and the leg span was probably about 4-5 inches and it was just inches from her head!!!!

He thought he better warn her, so he pointed out that there was a huge spider right by her head… She jumped off the couch, screaming and B turned on the light, which made the spider a little shy. Spider jumped on the back of the couch to try to hide behind a pillow…..

 No, No, No…. HELL NO!!!!

That sucker was NOT going down the front of my couch and into the pillows and cushions. I grabbed the gallon of Spectracide to try to discourage it’s intended path and it scurried behind the couch….

I sprayed the wall and down the back of the couch… and sprayed, and sprayed….

We decided that we would probably have to burn the couch, unless we actually found this spider, because no way would we EVER be able to sit on it again until it was accounted for.

Meanwhile, S had abandoned us altogether and was hiding in her bedroom.

We carefully scooted the couch out from the wall, which is no simple task since it is L shaped and not a small couch. B grabbed the vacuum and I grabbed a flashlight and operation” Kill Shelob” was underway.

The spider crawled out from under the couch and was sitting on the bottom of the front of the couch. I grabbed the vacuum (with the hose and pole FULLY extended), turned it on, checked to make sure there was adequate suction and put it up to the couch.Imagine my disappointment when I did not hear the “thwuk” noise that I was fully expecting to hear as Shelob was removed from my couch. B thought it would be a good idea to put on some shoes so he could step on it in case it came charging out from under the couch….

We set down the hose, and I laid down on the floor, which required a cheek to the ground to see under the couch with the flashlight. I thought I saw it clinging to the underside of the couch in the back, so I grabbed the Spectracide again and drenched the underside of the couch, expecting to watch Shelob fall to the floor. I admit, that with the adrenalin pumping through my veins right then, that I was going to relish watching it wreathe in pain as it suffocated on the floor under my couch,
…… NOTHING HAPPENED!
 I grabbed the vacuum hose again and extended it out and with shaking hands, stuck it under the couch to knock the spider down.

It was a piece of lint….. NOT was I was hoping for :(

Ok, full panic was setting in now… where they hell did that freakin spider go to? We were looking in the tank on the vacuum… nothing! Several times, we checked under the couch again…. Nothing!

As we were letting the adrenalin settle down and ready to give up and go to bed, with every intention of making Wayne burn the contents of the family room the next day, B set his hand down on the ottoman that we had scooted several feet away from the couch, and well behind where we were laying with our faces on the floor. All of a sudden he screamed and started doing the aracnaphylactic dance (you totally know what I’m talking about don’t you?!) As he flicked his hand in the air, he launched Shelob  into the air and she landed on the other side of the ottoman…. MY side of the ottoman….

Braden screams : ” KILL IT MOM”, I scream back “YOU‘RE THE ONE WITH THE SHOES ON, YOU KILL IT”.

He raised his foot and with a quick jerk of his leg, flung a shoe in my direction. (He had put his toes into S’s shoes, so he couldn’t have stomped anything if he had tried!!) The shoe landed on the floor, right by the spider. Since B was screaming like a girl, and Wayne was upstairs pretending not to notice the fact that Armageddon was going on right below him, I had to man up, grab the shoe and smush Shelob myself.

 I did make Wayne come down stairs to clean up and flush the carnage down the toilet!

I have no idea how Shelob got from the couch to the ottoman, but it had to have been right past Braden and I while we were sprawled out with our faces on the floor….

EW…EWWWW…EWWWWWW…EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

I feel so violated now when I think of sitting on my couch!

I am going to have to re-think watching Survivor in the future. Not sure if I can handle the jungle coming to life in my family room ever again!

Perils of the Deep Blue Sea

One time several years ago, Wayne and I were on a trip with some business associates to Catalina Island. On one of the days, most of the girls had gone shopping and the men had decided to do "water activities". Some went diving with sharks, some went deep sea fishing and some decided to stay close in case the girls needed something, so they went down the the water to do a little snorkeling.

Around lunch time, the shark divers got back and had some wild stories to tell to the snorkelers... As the story goes, some shark divers coaxed a seal on the back deck of the boat and a shark came up out of the water, onto the deck of the boat to grab that seal and eat it..... stories like this tend to put a person on high alert when they are doing "water activities".

Wayne  has chosen to be one of the snorkelers, and now that he was fully aware of the perils of being in the water, he was a little paranoid to say the least!!!

Someone got the great idea to purchase some frozen peas and "bait" the fish so that there would be more fish to enjoy watching while snorkeling. Someone was behind Wayne, tossing out peas in front of him.  (snicker, snicker)  With his head under water, he watched a pea start to sink through the water right in front of his face. (Keep in mind that a snorkel mask tends to make objects look larger than they actually are)  Just then a sea bass decided that particular pea would be a good snack and swam at the pea with it's mouth wide open. In went the pea and when it closed it's mouth, it was attached to the nose piece on Wayne's snorkel mask....

In fear for his life, with the shark attack stories fresh in his mind, he went on the offense and grabbed the bass and tried to remove it from his mask. Wayne thrashing around in the water, trying to remove the fish that is trying to suck his face off (or so he describes..lol) and attempting not to drown, was quite the sight. After a couple of minutes, the other guys on the shore that were watching this spectacle, yelled at Wayne, "Just stand up".

He nearly drowned and died of fear from this horrific fish attack while in knee deep water....hahahaha!

The Elk and the Wig

A few years ago, when we still lived in Idaho, we decided to take a trip up to McCall to feed the elk. We invited Wayne's mom to go with us. Let me just say, that it's ALWAYS an adventure when you are doing something with Wayne's mom!!
It was winter time and as the day grew closer, the weather got worse... especially in the mountains (which is where McCall is). We had made reservations and it was kind of difficult to get a reservation, so we decided that since Wayne had a very large 4WD truck, it shouldn't be a problem.... right?

WRONG!!!

We were ALMOST to our destination and we came to a part in the road where there is a pretty sharp turn and it's on a bit of a hill coming out of the turn. Those who live near our old stomping grounds will probably know exactly what part of the road I am referring to!!! Since it was early in the morning, the roads were still icy.... very icy....

You guessed it... we slip sideways off the road....and then stopped.... tilting sideways towards the ditch.
Since Wayne's truck precariously came to a stop right before it tipped over and because it was sooo big and because the road was icy... and on a hill... and on a corner.... no normal 4wd truck could have pulled us back onto the road...

We had no choice but to call a tow truck... or two! Did I  mention that it had been really bad weather? That meant that the tow trucks were very busy pulling other vehicles out of the ditch... about a dozen or so ahead of us on the list.
So we waited...for several hours... and tried to entertain ourselves inside the truck, since it was once again snowing. We would have gotten out and had a snowball fight or something fun, but because of where we slid off the road, we were afraid that someone else might slide off as well and that would be dangerous if we were playing along side the road.

The tow truck.. or two... finally arrived and requested that we all vacate the truck in case it tipped over while they were pulling it sideways back onto the road.(comforting thought... I was so glad they had confidence in their ability...NOT) They had to have a couple of policeman stop traffic both ways while they extricated Wayne's truck from the side of the road! So we stood outside, in a blizzard,  huddled together to keep warm,watching and holding our breath, and praying that the truck didn't slide even farther off the hill... or tip over!

Finally free, we all climbed back in the truck with lots of snow piled on top of our heads. By this time we had missed our scheduled time to feed the elk, so we got turned around and headed home. All of a sudden, the window in the back seat gets rolled down and it looked like Wayne's mom threw something out the window. I turned around to see what happened and she had taken her wig, hung it out the window to shake off the snow and plopped it back on top of her head.....hahahaha! I can only imagine what the car behind us thought... it must have looked like she was shaking the snow off a small animal or something....LOL!

We set out to have an adventure feeding the elk, but it turned into a very fun memory of a much different kind!

The Stolen Bra

When this happened, I posted it on Facebook, but I just realized that I never did post it here. It is most definitely a story worth remembering....
For Christmas this past year, the only thing I really asked for was a new computer bag. I had a few requirements.... black and lots of pockets.
When I opened a package on Christmas morning, I was surprised to see it.... but then again I wasn't. My sweet hubs goes out of his way to give me the things that I ask for. It was awesome... Just what I wanted... black, relaxed straps (I hate stiff straps on things that I carry on my shoulder), lots of pockets...inside and out! I love, love, love it!!!
Then I opened it up to look inside (because sometimes he surprises me with other gifts inside of gifts). There was a plastic grocery sack inside. I looked at him and smiled sweetly and kind of flirtatiously, thinking he had bought me some jewelry or something like that...
... He smiled back with a puzzled and confused look on his face.
I pulled out the bag and opened it up to find a rather LARGE sports bra and a beaded chain for granny glasses.....
Totally NOT what I was expecting!!!
He looked at me and said, "What is that?"....
I replied, "I don't know YOU tell ME".....
Apparently when he AND the clerk at the store looked in the bag, they thought that was just the paper packing that sometimes comes in a hand bag and neither of them bothered to look inside.
I could NOT pass up the opportunity to return the bra and the granny glasses chain the next day and inform them that my husband accidently gave me a stolen bra for Christmas.
The clerks could not believe that I wanted to just return it and not ask for a gift card or something in return.
It was one of those moments when doing the right thing made for an awesome story!!!

Pepper and Prostate

Cancer is no laughing matter. That is why I am always trying to avoid things that the committee of "they" say increases your chances of getting it.

With that said....

A few years back, we were on vacation and stopped at a fast food place... I know... kind of hypocritical for a person who is trying to be aware of healthy choices, but when you are on a 14 hour road trip, you do what you have to to get back on the road quickly!

My hubs and my youngest son are obsessed with putting LOTS of pepper on their food. Actually, to say they are obsessed is an understatement... they are addicted... as in needing-an-intervention addicted!!!

This meal was no different... they loaded up their fries with an obscene amount of pepper (I think Wayne started putting pepper on his fries, only because I don't care for that and by peppering his fries, it keeps me from eating them!!!!)

Anyway,  I had recently heard that eating a lot of pepper has been linked to developing prostate cancer. Not sure if that is actually true or not, but why take the chance, right? So I decided to take the opportunity to "scare" them into using pepper a little more sparingly. I announced to our little group, specifically calling out B and Wayne and telling them that they should be more conscious of the potential consequences and not eat so much pepper... moderation in all things, right?

Then S announced (in her not so quiet voice) that that is EXACTLY why SHE doesn't eat pepper.....hahahahaha!

E, the resident anatomy expert in our family, asked her if she even knew what a prostate was...

Pretty sure the people in the booth behind us, spewed their drinks out their noses when they heard this convo...:)

S, I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about getting prostate cancer, but I applaud your decision to use pepper more sparingly...LOL!!!

The Intruder and the Martinelli's

A few nights ago, S was home alone with a friend after dropping her brother off at the high school to attend a ball game. They were upstairs in her bedroom when it occurred to them that they could hear the TV on in the room downstairs. Since they didn't remember it being on before, they thought someone had broken into the house (because if there was an intruder, the first thing he would think to do is sit down and watch TV)

They decided they needed to defend the fort so they were rummaging through the bedroom to find something to use as a weapon in case they needed to whack the intruder. The first thing S grabs is a stand alone oscillating fan... Can you just picture her swinging an oscillating fan as big as she is, at an intruder? Ya... me neither...LOL!!!

Keep in mind these are two very loud, very giggly girls upstairs in a home where you can hear EVERYTHING in the room below... but of course, the intruder wouldn't be paying attention to all their noise above, since he was intent on robbing us of our TV time!!!!

She quickly came to the same conclusion, so they went back in the room to find a more practical weapon.....

A full bottle of Martinelli's Sparkling Cider (I didn't ask why this was in her bedroom... some things a mother just doesn't need to know!!!).... Much better option... I mean they use a bottle in the movies all the time to whack someone on the back of the head... especially if it's an intruder... sitting in dad's chair... watching TV!!!

So they creep part way down the stairs... Did I mention we have a yappy little dog... that doesn't like it when people SNEAK? He heard them "sneaking" and started barking, which scared them so they turned around and scrambled back up the stairs and lunged into the safety of the bedroom... tripping and falling onto the bed.... The neck of the bottle was in S's hand and hit the bed, bounced from the force and smacked her in the forehead, nearly rendering her unconscious....HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I guess there is some truth to knocking someone out by hitting them in the head with the bottle....!!!

I suppose you are wondering about the intruder, right? As it turns out, her brother left the TV on before he went to the ball game. The girls had just been being to loud and silly to hear it. When they finally quieted down for a moment, they finally noticed the noise....LOL!

On the First Day of Christmas....

A few years ago I was in charge of the Christmas program at church....

and they wanted the program to be humorous...

They came to the right person...LOL!

I tried to get out of it since my son was getting married the week before Christmas 

and I had FIVE parties I had to attend in addition to the bridal shower 

AND the wedding 

AND the reception...

(It's a good thing I was the mother of the groom and NOT the mother of the bride!!)

So my overwhelmed mind came up with this.... 

mostly out of necessity to keep track of all I had to do to get through the month!!!

If you are an LDS mom, you will relate!!!

On the first day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

Don’t forget visiting teaching.

One the second day of Christmas my calendar reminded me:

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the third day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the fourth day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

4 Jello Salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the fifth day of Christmas my calendar reminded me:

5 casseroles      

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the sixth day of Christmas my calendar reminded me:

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the seventh day of Christmas during sacrament meeting:

7 kids were crying

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the eighth day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

8 lights are tangled

7 kids are crying

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

 On the ninth day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

9 pies are baking

8 lights all tangled

7 kids are crying

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the tenth day of Christmas, my husband needs to help:

One of Ten families moving

9 pies are baking

8 lights all tangled

7 kids are crying

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my calendar reminded me:

11 gifts to wrap

10 families moving

9 pies are baking

8 lights are tangled

7 kids are crying

6 crafts to finish

5 casseroles

4 jello salads

3 quilts to tie

To feed the missionaries

And don’t forget your visiting teaching

On the twelvth day of Christmas my calendar reminded me:

12 dozen cookies     

11 gifts to wrap      

10 families moving      

      9 pies are baking              

8 lights are tangled     

7 kids are crying        

                       6 crafts to finish                                

                        5 casseroles                                 

              4 jello salads                     

                   3 quilts to tie                         

To feed the missionaries            

Oh ya…and don’t forget the wedding!     

Fridge Scrabble

I got this idea from Pinterest where they used scrabble pieces with magnets and a cookie sheet
to leave messages for each other. 

Since I don't have any free wall space to hang a cookie sheet, I decided
that the front of the fridge would work just fine!

I already had an old Scrabble game that no one in my family ever plays...

mostly because I kick their trash...hehehe...

So I purchased two rolls of strip magnets from a craft store for a total of about $2.50.

I cut little strips and stuck them to the back of ALL the Scrabble pieces 

and...

So began our adventures with "Fridge Scrabble".

My hope was that it would be a great way for our family to communicate fun messages to one another.

I started it off by posting...

Since I knew you would want pictures, I went to the office to get my camera and when I returned, it said:

Wayne and S then proceeded to blame the dog for changing the letter!

Loving them to the moon and back, was apparently not enough for them to truly understand
the depths of my love for them, so I responded with:

Now THAT is true love!

Apparently my children don't know what a moon pie is because they said,
" that's not love, that's just weird!"

Conditional Love

And a little bit of randomness....

and having the last word...LOL!

 I can hardly wait to see what happens when E comes home!!!

Dragonfly

Several weeks ago, S was headed out the back door to do her best imitation of a sun goddess. 

She opened the back door and stopped DEAD in her tracks. 

On the rug was a perfectly intact DEAD dragonfly with about a 6 inch wingspan! 

I touched it and it didn't move.

 She was a still a little reluctant to step outside for fear it would fly up her pant leg...  

but she mustered up enough courage to leap over it and out the door.

Once she was comfortable settled with her sunglasses and ipod, I thought to myself... 

Self.... it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good dragonfly..

(insert evil laugh here)

So I scooped it up and carefully placed it in the shower on top of her shampoo bottle...

oh ya... you know what's coming don't you???

Most of the family was over for dinner that afternoon and 

everyone but S knew what was waiting upstairs....hehehe!!!

Later in the evening, she went up to take a shower...

hehehe.....

We all waited....

and waited....

and waited.....

for a reaction

 and NOTHING.... NADA!!!!

Then I hear the water shut off and immediately the bathroom door opens and she yells....

"WHO DID IT?!?!"

SCORE!!!!

July 4th, 2012

My friend Mandi throws the best parties....EVER!

We got a coveted invite to their 4th of July party this year...

OH YA!!!!

Here are a few of the highlights...

Apparently S only needs to plug one ear!

 

I think they were acting out a movie scene, but it turned out hilarious on the camera!

Mandi has some fun props for a "photo booth"

 which turned out to be a riot at the party!

S in 3D....

Snipe Hunting (Memma style)

Several years ago, S was getting ready to go to her first year of Girl's Camp.

Thankfully she had an older sister to make sure she 

got the "full experience", including a Snipe Hunt.

If you have never been Snipe Hunting and you ever WANT to go

Stop reading NOW....

Ok, you have been warned!

If you aren't familiar with this tradition, the kids who have been to camp a time or two,

take out the new kids that have never been before.

It's like an initiation of sorts.....
A right of passage.....

While Snipes ARE real birds, they are NOT indigenous to Idaho so for 

the purposes of girl's camp, they don't REALLY exist!

To prep her properly, we talked this up for a month or so beforehand 

so she was really into this... I mean REALLY into this!

The night of the hunt came and E and her friend told the girls

that the Snipes are attracted to mint and if they dab toothpaste

on their noses it will bring them out of hiding.

So they figured if a dab is good...

a full face mask of it would be even better!

Burn, baby, burn....hahaha!!!

They get out to into a meadow, armed with their armor of toothpaste 

and their pillowcases...

crawling around on the ground calling for Snipes....

while E and her friend are walking along behind them,

tossing pine cones up ahead of the girls to make noise.

One of the pine cones accidentally hits S on the hand and she starts freaking out 

thinking that one of them BIT her!!!!

Hahahahahah!

E "caught one" in her pillow case and had the girls gather in a circle.

She then let the girls touch it's leg through the pillow case....

As they are gathering in close she is shaking the pillow case 

to make it look like the Snipe was struggling to escape, 

she opened the pillow case and the Snipe came flying out....

It turns out that the Snipe was really just a plastic rat.

Bwahahahaha!!!!!

Just imagine girls covered with toothpaste, running around the woods in the dark,

screaming like....well, a bunch of girls!

Sleuthing of Alva & Ethyl

I got a disturbing phone call this morning...

Before I tell you about the phone call, I need to tell you about the players.

My daughter was recently married and moved to Idaho. 

Several weeks ago her and her hubby and her father in law took a trip to southern Utah 

to get some free furniture from a family member.

Since they didn't have their apartment yet,
they left all the furniture in my mother's garage, 

which is a few hours away from where they will be living.

So today, her hubby and her father in law, Steve (name has been changed..LOL)

 went to my mom's to get their stuff, 

while my daughter stayed behind for a job interview.

(BTW, she got the job!!!)

Ok... back to the phone call.

About a half an hour before they were to arrive at my mom's house,

 she gets a phone call on her cell phone.

The caller asks if "Steve" is there. 

Since she is expecting "Steve" soon,
she confirms with the caller that he is looking for the same

 "Steve" that she is expecting, by asking if he is looking for "Steve Jones" 

(last name changed...lol!)

Caller emphatically said YES!

Mom proceeds to tell caller he name and a story about how she knows "Steve".

(All the while thinking the caller is a family member trying to get in touch with "Steve")

She asks if the caller would like "Steve" to call him back.

Caller tells her his first name (I will call him A) 

and then tells her that "Steve" is sleeping with his wife 

and he has proof and he wants it to stop.

WHAT?!?!?!?! '

Are you kidding me?

Then "Steve" shows up at her house and she certainly isn't going to confront him 

since she has only met him twice and especially NOT in front of his son!

So she puts on a smile and pretends that she knows NOTHING...

and as soon as they pull out of the driveway she calls me to relate the story.

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Are you kidding me?

I was floored..that doesn't sound like the "Steve" I know!

 but the caller did call right before "Steve" got there...

 and he did confirm the last name.

How can that be a coincidence...

But then how did the caller know that "Steve" would be going to her house...

and how on earth did the caller get her number.

So I decided I would call "Steve's" wife and just ask a few questions

 like does she know a man named "A"?

I am sure that eventually I am going to have to tell her the truth...

and I am just sick over this idea.

I tell mom to look at her phone and call me back with the number from the caller.

It's an Idaho number....odd, since "Steve" lives in Washington....

HMMMMM.......

I decide to do some sleuthing on my own and looked up 

"A" in Idaho on Facebook...

Slap the dog and spit in the fire if there isn't someone by that name

 living in the same town as my mom!!!!

It's not a common name either, so this HAS to be the same guy!

So I call her back and tell her to call the number and

 ask if it is the "M" (fake last name) residence

so we can confirm that we know exactly who we are talking about.

This particular "A" is MUCH younger than "Steve", so it would be odd for "A's" wife

 to be with someone as old as "Steve". No offense "Steve"... LOL!

This is getting fishier by the minute.

So mom goes to her friends house to call from HER phone.

If she is going to do any sleuthing, Ethyl will want to be a part of this!

But before they call, they must get into their disguise so they aren't recognized...

ROFL!!!!

They call....

No answer....

So disappointing after all the trouble to get into their cloak and dagger get up!

Then Ethyl's phone rings and the caller says,

"this is "A" "M" did you just call me?

BINGO....!!!!

we have identified the mystery caller!!!!

Mom then tells him who she is and that he really upset her with his phone call earlier that day.

He is stammering with his words as he realizes he must have dialed the wrong number.

OMGravy... I would have LOVED to see his face as he realized that!!!

He tells her that he must have written the number down wrong,

apologizes and hangs up on her....

HAHAHAHA!

What a crazy coincidence that he would call the wrong number looking for the wrong 

"Steve Jones", just before the wrong "Steve Jones" is about to show up at her house.

"A" must have thought he called the crazy house when she started going on and on

 about how she knows "Steve".

HAHAHAHA!

Never a dull moment in our family and I would not trade the craziness for anything!

Peepers

Last year at Easter, E, S and I decided we would go "Peeping" to some of the people that we go to church with. We had just moved into this area so many didn't know us that well yet, and we didn't want to give them the wrong impression of us, so we conjured up some disguises.

We got dark sweatshirts and turned them inside out. The first one that Emma tried didn't work so well because it had Boise State embroidered on it, so it was sort of obvious even inside out.

HAHAHA!

B had a friend over whose mother is a professional clown so he told us that he had some big plastic lips and some funky glasses that we could have.  So we drove him to his house to get those for us. We couldn't see out of the glasses very well at night so it was hard to walk around outside with them on,

 but they were critical to the disguise. 

This is what we looked like. 

We then got many packages of marshmallow Peeps and started putting together our baskets.

 We had just got our baskets ready and our disguises in place when the doorbell rang....

CRAP!!!!

There was a moment of panic because we didn't know if we should take off the disguise before we answered the door or just roll with it. We decided to just roll with it.

I answer the door with the hoodie covering my head, the funky glasses and the big plastic lips... 

(that happen to whistle when air goes through them, making it difficult to speak...LOL)

The lady at the door announced that she was there to pick up her son... then said...

"I see you've been to MY house"

CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!!!!!

We were so busted...hahahaha.....

Of all the people who could have knocked on our door, it was B's friend's mom....LOL!!!

(BTW, if you are reading this Julie, thank you for the props!!!)

OK... NOW we are ready to go "Peeping"!

We gather up our baskets and the list of Peeps we are going to Peep.

hahaha... sorry... I couldn't help NOT saying that...LOL!!!

...and off we go under the cover of darkness on Easter Eve.

One of the Peeps we went to, we weren't exactly sure where they lived. We found the street, but we couldn't really see the numbers on the houses. S thought she recognized their car in a driveway, so we parked around the corner, creeped around to the front door and rang the doorbell. The dog in the back yard started barking and the lights came on. (It was almost 10 pm).

But no one answered the door. After a few attempts, we finally gave up and bailed back in the car before someone called the Popo.

(We later found out that it wasn't even the right house... 

so much for recognizing the car in the driveway....LOL!)

The other two houses were successful.

So now we have an extra basket and we didn't really know where many people live since we had just moved into this ward a week earlier!!!

There was one family that we knew that lived close to one of our other drop offs so we decided to visit them. They had a long driveway and we had some difficulty NOT tripping over the rocks as we made a run for it in glasses we couldn't see out of in the dark after dropping off the basket.

All in all we had a lot of fun and a night full of laughs!

I just LOVE doing silly things with my girls.

Everyone Needs a Leslie

When I was about 4 years old, my family moved into a little house on a corner. It was so tiny that my brother and I shared a bedroom... actually, as I remember it,

 it was a set of bunk beds assembled in a walk in closet.

 I remember riding my big wheel one day (that dates me doesn't it...lol) and this older boy next door stopped me by grabbing the handle bars and in a very intimidating way informing me that he expected me to be good friends with his little sister.

 Little did I know that his intimidation tactic would be one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Leslie and I have been friends as far back as I can remember
 (for 40 something years now) 

and we have had some grand adventures!

Her family owned a store in the town we grew up in and the upstairs of the store was an old abandoned hotel that spanned the upstairs of several of the local businesses.
We used to go up into this old abandoned part of the building....
 at night....on purpose.... for fun.

 It was really scary at night because of some of the stories that her mom had shared with us.

 (Her mom tells GREAT ghost stories...hahaha).

Sometimes we would take other people up in the top of the hotel and relate these stories. Her little brother was our silent partner in crime and would hide somewhere with an empty fire extinguisher... 

If you have never tried to use an empty fire extinguisher, it makes such a horrible noise, that, when you are in an old, creepy, abandoned hotel... at night... with flashlights...
you can easily convince your unsuspecting friends, is the sound of pigeons being murdered....hahaha...LOL! 

(Disclaimer: Even though there were pigeons flying around inside the building, no actual pigeons were harmed in scaring the crap out of our friends!!!)

Her family also owned a haunted house that had not been lived in since the early 1940's....

 I kid you not!!!!

 So we used to take friends out to Dingle... 

... to tour the haunted house

.... at night!

(yes, this would be the same Dingle that I talked about in my earlier post about the Popo!

... see that post for a picture of the Ream Mansion)

The house has a sandstone facade that is wired to the house
(or so I remember it being explained to me)
 and when the wind blows, it sings on the wires.....
creepy, whining noises, that sound like ghosts!

This house was overgrown with bushes, had broken windows, lots of bats inside and there was still old furniture in it, as if the ghosts needed a place to sit in the parlor! 

Oh, and in the cellar under the house, there were turkey incubators and LOTS of hooks hanging from the beams. You can only imagine the tales we told when we showed this to our friends...

in the dark...with flashlights... hehehe! 

It didn't take much imagination to  really freak people out.

One time we loaded up about 10 people in her old '69 Cadillac DeVille 

(some had to ride the 8 miles to the boonies in the trunk of the car...hahaha)

and headed out to Dingle to take them on a tour of the Ream Mansion. Somehow her little brother ended up hiding in the house, with that empty fire extinguisher.

This was about the same time that all of the "too-stupid-to-live" movies like
 Friday the 13th were popular. 

 I don't recall all the events that happened,

 (I think it was so scary that I have blocked it out...

or I am just getting old enough that I am experiencing mentalpause....!!!),

 but I remember that somehow we ended up huddled upstairs... in a closet...

 because we scared the crap out of OURSELVES!!!! 

REALLY???? 

Note to self: if you cruising around a haunted house, at night, in the dark and something scares you....

don't run UPSTAIRS (where there is only one way back out)
and hide in a closet (with no windows)!!!

DUH!!!

After what seemed like hours (it was probably more like 5 minutes...lol), 

we mustered the courage to run for our lives!

We were so convincing in our stories that I would often have this re-occurring nightmare about our many  adventures in the old hotel, the Ream Mansion and even a few at the cemetery!!! 

As a side note: Leslie and her parents have since purchased the "haunted house" and are in the process of fixing it up. It has been fun to watch the progress and I often giggle at the irony that she now owns the house that scared the bejeezus out of us!

For our senior prom, we wore dresses that belonged to her mother and her aunt...

(they were like 30 years old).... we LOVED being different! 

This must have been where my passion for antique stuff started!

Leslie has a more quiet reserved personality which was a perfect balance for my more adventurous personality. We were total opposites... 

Leslie kept my feet on the ground and pointed in the right direction (and kept me from being grounded many times..haha). My mom would let me do pretty much anythnig... if I was with Leslie.
She has such a sweet spirit and I will always be grateful for the example she was to me growing up (and still is)
 and for the open door that her parents had in always making me feel welcome in their home...

especially during a time of much turmoil in my own home.

It's kind of like that story about the man walking on the beach, picking up starfish and tossing them back in the water. A stranger observed his behavior and asked him why he bothered because he couldn't possibly make a difference since there were so many starfish stranded on the beach as the tide went out. The man picked one up and tossed it in the water and said to the stranger...

"I made a difference to that one"

It scares me to think how different my life would likely have turned out if Leslie hadn't been there to make a difference to me!

It has always been a prayer of mine that my kids would have a "Leslie" in their lives... someone to be that influence and example of good... and help them make good choices. 

At the same time, I have always tried to encourage my kids to be someone's "Leslie" and to be that example and  positive influence to the people around them. 

I truly believe that we formed bonds with people in the pre-existence and when we find those people here on earth, we immediately recognize the familiarity of those eternal friendships....

and as the years go by and miles separate us, we still feel that friendship in our hearts.

I am so lucky to have found a few of these eternal friends!

The Mask

Some nights when I am having trouble sleeping, I lay there thinking of ways 

to manipulate or punk my kids. 

It's one of those inalienable rights as a parent to be able to tease & embarrass your offspring.

When they were little, I was a busy mom, so I would put the Oreo's in the microwave right as they were coming home from school... 

They would brag to their friends that "their mom makes HOMEMADE Oreo's!!

Hahaha... I was the mom who had it going on!

I also do things like trick them into eating oatmeal by adding it to foods like meatloaf and taco meat.

 It absorbs the excess grease from the hamburger, makes the hamburger go a little farther and 

they NEVER knew it was in there!!!

... until now, that is :)

We have this Halloween mask... it's like this old man with missing teeth and giant warts and long gray hair and beard. It's more like a cross between a zombie and a troll, actually.

Every once in a while, I run across it in a box and think it's time for it to make an appearance....

these are the things that I conspire with myself about in the wee hours of the night, when I can't sleep.

About a year ago, when I was packing up the house to move, I found it under my bed. 

(I like to keep it handy in case opportunity presents itself)

S was out in the pod and so I thought I would pay her a "visit".

I decided I would open the door and jump into the room all hunched over (with the mask on) and start walking around like Gollum and snorting.

I carefully open the door, jump in the room, like.... Ta-Da.....

and No S!!!!

Then I hear the shower shut off......hehehehe!

You know what's coming, don't you?

I stay hunched over as she walks out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel to protect herself 

(not even the trusty hairspray this time... see post about Stalker..hehehe)

She doesn't really notice me... until...

 I start snorting.....

SCREAMMMMMMMMM.....!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, I am rolling on the floor trying not to pee my pants....LOL!

Then.....

B is in the big house... supposedly packing.....

I decide to repeat the whole episode...

I jump into his room and start snorting.

He turns around, X-Box controller in his hand,

points the controller at me and starts pushing buttons on it..

like he's trying to neutralize the threat with the game controller.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

...again with the rolling on the floor trying to control bodily functions....

 I am going to either have to stop doing things that bring me to the edge of an accident or invest in a package of depends!
Lately, I have been thinking it would be fun to sew the bottom shut on E's new "honeymoon" clothes.....hehehe!

Encounter with the Popo

A few years ago, we took our "city friends" on vaca with us to Bear Lake. 

(TBH, I think they only went because they didn't believe me that there was a place called Dingle,Idaho)

We wanted to give them the full experience of what it was like growing up in such a fun place, so...

We did Bear Lake (via Dingle, of course)

The Ream Mansion

Paris Springs

 Minnetonka Cave & Bloomington Lake (in the dark, which was a whole other story!)

Some of my funnest memories of growing up there were playing "night games" with the neighbor boys (there were LOTS of boys in our 'hood) !!

One night I told the kids (my 4 kids plus a cousin and our friends' 3 older kids) that they should go play "night games".... they thought I was crazy... NIGHT GAMES????

What the heck are "night games"???

I tried to tell them of some of the fun things the kids in the "hood" did back when and how much fun we had running wild in the hood under the cover of darkness.

After a little coaxing, they decided to go to the church across from my mom's house and play Sardines. It is kind of like hide and seek, but with teenagers, 

they are a little more creative about where they can hide!

It was about 10:30 pm and my friend and I decided to go over there and join them, but we didn't want them to know that we were joining in their fun... so we decided to be "stealth".

The church isn't exactly across the street, it is more like 2 houses down and THEN across the street.... and it has LOTS of parking lot lights!

So we put on dark clothing, and turned off the porch light, and tiptoe'd out the front door, around the back of the camper, and THROUGH the lilac bushes, behind the neighbor's son's big 4WD truck and then.... nothing..... not even the cover of darkness to hide us due to the lights around the church

.... so what's a girl to do?

Belly crawl!!!

We DASH across the street and belly crawl across the lawn of the church and into some bushes by the side of the building. Whew!!!!! We made it undetected.

We are sitting in the bushes, trying to catch our breath...

(when you play commando, it gets your adrenalin going and that makes your heart race and for a couple of "old ladies", that was a lot of excitement for one night!)

...we were laughing until we are ready to pee our pants, but trying to suppress the noise of our laughter, which only made us laugh harder.

(you know how things are funnier when you aren't supposed to laugh?)

Keep in mind we have no idea where any of these 8 kids are hiding...

As we are trying to compose ourselves, a white SUV pulls into the parking lot, so we hunker down to remain undetected, but still curious, we are watching through the bushes to see what happens.

All of a sudden two girls run across the parking lot and red and blue lights start flashing on top of the SUV..... BUSTED!!!

I decide I better come out of hiding and investigate to see what our kids have done now...LOL!

The "moms" walk out of the bushes, across the parking lot and approach the SUV, only to find my daughter and her cousin standing off to the side of the SUV. The cop (we'll call him Joe Friday), is trying to get them to come over to the passenger window to talk to him and they are standing, frozen...

 like deer in the headlights...literally!

We get there just as he is coaxing their names out of them.... when he hears the names Gunn and Peterson... he is smirking and nodding his head, like 

"I should have known"....hahaha...

 apparently my brothers and my husband have a reputation with this particular Popo!

I approach the SUV....and say hi to him. He laughs when he sees me because I haven't "lived" there since high school. I explain what the kids are doing and he proceeds to tell me the neighbors called the Popo when they saw a bunch of teenagers running around in the dark, because apparently the church had been vandalized the weekend prior.

He decides to release the delinquents into the custody of their mom/aunt and he leaves.

Only AFTER he is long gone do the rest of the kids come out of hiding....cowards....hahaha!

Well, actually, since some of then were laying on the roof of the church at the time of the incident, it's probably best they remained in hiding...lol... 

The next morning, as I am walking into the church, Joe Friday is walking out of the church... he grins and nods and then chuckles as he walks by. Gotta love living in a small town!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

When my kids were little.... very little....like back when dirt-was-young  little and I only had one child in school, he rode the bus to school.

My other child at the time, who shall remain nameless...hehehe..... liked to pretend that she was old enough to go to school. During the day, when big brother was at school, she would play "school" and she had imaginary teachers and imaginary friends and rode an imaginary bus.

One day, my nephew was babysitting them for me, while I was doing whatever I was doing...

TBH, it very well could have just been a sanity break disguised as something worthy of leaving my children in the care of a teenage boy....

He liked to play "boy" things with the kids and do things like wrestle. Sometimes when boys are "wrestling", they accidentally touch each other in inappropriate places. Not on purpose and certainly not with any vulgar intent...it just happens.

I got home and took my nephew home and dropped him off and on the way back to our house, older brother decides to enlighten me about what they did while I was gone...

uh, huh....ok.... ya....that's sounds like fun..... I was only half listening......until......

He tells me that while they were wrestling, my nephew "grabbed his balls...."

I explained that I was sure he did not do it on purpose and that I didn't think that it was anything bad that he needed to really worry too much about.

Then it happened!!!

Remember the imaginary school bus?

Keep in mind, I am operating a motor vehicle while this convo is taking place......

My nameless child with the vivid imagination, informs me that "yesterday, on the school bus...."

(this would be the imaginary one)

"...someone tried to grab HER balls too."

I said, "(insert her name), you don't have any".

Her response...without missing a beat....

"I KNOW... HE TOOK THEM"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

In case you are wondering, I was able to safely navigate the vehicle to the side of the road long enough for me to finish laughing and dry the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

After that, no more imaginary school. We have tried to only have real friends from that point on... 

that is..until Facebook was invented.... now we are back to having imaginary friends again :)

Sexually Harassed by a Bird

For those of you who don't know, I work in a pool & spa retail store. I see almost as much jaw dropping stuff as you would see if you were people watching at Walmart. Much of it I can't begin to describe, you will just have to trust me on this.... and not all of it comes from customers.

I actually have a co-worker that was so distraught one day that he asked to take the rest of the day off because his dog was playing with his pet chicken and accidentally broke the chicken's leg. He said he needed to take the rest of the day off to take the chicken to the vet to have it's leg cast....

 No joke! It really happened... 

 While he didn't get out of working, he did indeed take his chicken to the vet and had it's leg cast! I would have just had it for dinner..... but then, I am not a big fans of birds...because they poop!

To explain my lack of compassion towards birds, I have to go back to middle school. One day I was (cough, cough) too "sick" to go to school, so I convinced my mom to let me stay home. About lunch time I got hungry and thought I was feeling "well" enough to walk the 3 blocks to the local fast food joint (back then it was Lloyd's drive-in). On the way home, I was walking under some trees and a bird crapped on my head as I walked under the branch... only I didn't realize it until my mom got home and wanted to know where the bird crap in my hair came from....

BUSTED!!!

Anyway, back to work.... 

Last summer, late in the day, a customer comes in and has a parakeet or some pet bird on her shoulder. She gets her bottle of chlorine and sets it on the counter for me to ring up. I am looking at this bird, that is not tethered to her in anyway and thinking if the bird craps on me....

 I'm SOOOO out of there for the day!

Then the bird walks down her arm, across the front counter, steps on my hand and walks up my arm and sits on my shoulder..... If you have never had a bird walk on you before, it's a creepy feeling the way they grab your skin and hang on!!! So now I am sure that this bird is going to crap down my back or something and I am being really careful to not do anything to "startle the crap" out of this bird.

Then the bird starts rubbing the back of it's head against my cheek.... 

Apparently that is a sign of affection.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I hurry and ring her up and she tells the bird to come with her, it's time to go.... and the bird hides it's head behind my shoulder like she can't see it because it can't see her.... what is this??? A disobedient toddler or something?

She finally coaxes the frisky bird off my shoulder and back onto hers and leaves.....

I called my boss to tell him I needed to file a sexual harassment complaint.....He asked what happened and I told him I was molested by a customer's bird!!!!

Never a dull moment where I work!