Sexually Harassed by a Bird

For those of you who don't know, I work in a pool & spa retail store. I see almost as much jaw dropping stuff as you would see if you were people watching at Walmart. Much of it I can't begin to describe, you will just have to trust me on this.... and not all of it comes from customers.

I actually have a co-worker that was so distraught one day that he asked to take the rest of the day off because his dog was playing with his pet chicken and accidentally broke the chicken's leg. He said he needed to take the rest of the day off to take the chicken to the vet to have it's leg cast....

 No joke! It really happened... 

 While he didn't get out of working, he did indeed take his chicken to the vet and had it's leg cast! I would have just had it for dinner..... but then, I am not a big fans of birds...because they poop!

To explain my lack of compassion towards birds, I have to go back to middle school. One day I was (cough, cough) too "sick" to go to school, so I convinced my mom to let me stay home. About lunch time I got hungry and thought I was feeling "well" enough to walk the 3 blocks to the local fast food joint (back then it was Lloyd's drive-in). On the way home, I was walking under some trees and a bird crapped on my head as I walked under the branch... only I didn't realize it until my mom got home and wanted to know where the bird crap in my hair came from....

BUSTED!!!

Anyway, back to work.... 

Last summer, late in the day, a customer comes in and has a parakeet or some pet bird on her shoulder. She gets her bottle of chlorine and sets it on the counter for me to ring up. I am looking at this bird, that is not tethered to her in anyway and thinking if the bird craps on me....

 I'm SOOOO out of there for the day!

Then the bird walks down her arm, across the front counter, steps on my hand and walks up my arm and sits on my shoulder..... If you have never had a bird walk on you before, it's a creepy feeling the way they grab your skin and hang on!!! So now I am sure that this bird is going to crap down my back or something and I am being really careful to not do anything to "startle the crap" out of this bird.

Then the bird starts rubbing the back of it's head against my cheek.... 

Apparently that is a sign of affection.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I hurry and ring her up and she tells the bird to come with her, it's time to go.... and the bird hides it's head behind my shoulder like she can't see it because it can't see her.... what is this??? A disobedient toddler or something?

She finally coaxes the frisky bird off my shoulder and back onto hers and leaves.....

I called my boss to tell him I needed to file a sexual harassment complaint.....He asked what happened and I told him I was molested by a customer's bird!!!!

Never a dull moment where I work!