In the 'hood that we used to live in, our next door neighbor was a cop. HIS other next door neighbor was a drug dealer/auto thief that was squatting in a house that didn't belong to him but was in probate so he couldn't be evicted. Across the street from the cop was a self appointed neighborhood watch man that was quite small and tried to make up for his lack of stature with self importance... you know the type!
The drug dealer was also part of an auto theft ring and they weren't subtle about any of their activity, even living next door to a cop. They did have a system of doing things that kept them from getting arrested by the sheriff, even though most of the neighbors had the sheriff on speed dial!
Needless to say, the cop was a little paranoid that the drug dealer neighbor would try to tamper with his cars or something stupid as an act of revenge for always ratting them out to the sheriff.
Before I proceed, you should know that this property had a small house with a "guest apartment" in the back yard. My girls lived in the apartment, which was basically a very large room with a bathroom. So occasionally they needed to come in the "big house"...usually when they were hungry...hahaha! The big house only had sliding doors on the back side of the house, one in the family room and one in the master bedroom (which was on the corner of the house, next to the cops house... you will understand the importance of this in a minute) We locked those doors at night.. you know, with a drug dealer in the hood and all.... So they only way for them to gain entry into the big house was through the FRONT door, to which they had a key.
One night, one daughter had a "friend" over and they were sitting in the backyard "talking" until about 11 pm. She then decided to walk him to his car that was parked out front. When they got to the front of the house, they noticed a man standing in the driveway belonging to the cop, kind of crunched down, like he was spying on something or someone. They panicked and ran into our back yard. The dilemma..... Wayne and I are in bed asleep and the only way they can get in the house to tell us about the stalker in the cops driveway would be through the FRONT door. But that would tip the stalker off that someone was there. So they come to the back door of our bedroom and start quietly tapping on the glass.... now I take medication for a medical condition to help me sleep.... LOTS of medication. So I am like an inebriated alien mom if I get woke up after the meds have taken affect. But I hear something at the door, sit straight up in bed smack my arm over the top of Wayne's body and whisper... loudly.... "DID YOU HEAR THAT".....which then starts a chain reaction of Wayne sitting up in bed and looking at me like I am medicated or something.....which of course I am.....LOL! Then she taps again on the door. Her commotion in the back yard simultaneously causes the cops dog (a bull mastiff) to get up and walk over to investigate the noise, which then trips the security light on the cops house. He sees the light go on and comes to the window that is nearest the back corner of the house and looks out and sees the kids standing at our back door and asks them what is going on. At the same time Wayne opens our door to find out the same thing. My daughter and her "friend" explain to him that there is a man just standing in his driveway. She no sooner get those words out and the cop yells "OH HECK NO!!!!" (only that's NOT what he REALLY said) and he runs towards his front door...grabbing his side arm (that's a gun if you don't know) on his way out the front door in his flannel pj's and no shirt. Are you getting this image, because it's about to get more colorful! Not to be outdone, Wayne grabs his gun (that's his sidearm, not his muscle...hahaha) and heads for our front door.... in his whitey tidy top and his silk pj's. Did I mention that Wayne wears a gold chain around his neck and he sleeps with it on, for just such an occasion.... if he gets the opportunity to run out of the house in the middle of the night in his silk pjs and white shirt, he wants to have bling bouncing around his neck as if he's in an episode of cops.... (insert music... bad boys, bad boys...watcha gonna do when they come for you... bad boys, bad boys)
The cop and my bad boy husband both come flying out their front doors at the same time with their guns drawn, descending on......... are you ready for this??????? The self appointed neighborhood watch man from across the street, who was hiding in the cops driveway, spying on the drug dealers.....HAHAHAHAHA! About 5 minutes later, Momma Gunn stumbles out the front door, medicated, with serious bed head to see if I needed to call the sheriff, only to find a neighborhood watch meeting... at 11:30 in the evening!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment