Why I Don't Wear Pantyhose

This is an older post from my facebook last fall that I have recycled... lest I forget! This morning I am getting ready for church and it’s kind of drizzly outside and I remember that when I was in the church building yesterday, I was kind of cold all day. I normally wear a longer skirt and no pantyhose, but I was sort of traumatized by a crazy dream last night ( a completely different funny story…lol) so I grabbed the first skirt and quickly got out of the closet. It happened to be a knee length skirt and I did not want to spend an hour standing in the closet trying to decide what to wear, so I just decided I would wear pantyhose today to keep my legs a little warmer. Since my body is getting older and my muscles are tight from a medical condition, I sometimes have trouble reaching my feet in a coordinated way. I decided to play it safe and sit on the edge of the bathtub to squeeze into the “uncomfortable situation” I was about to create for myself. I roll the hose down to the toe, like you are supposed to do (as opposed to just trying to jump in with both feet) and lift my foot to stick my toes into the hose. One down, one to go. So now one foot is trapped and I try to lift the other one but the pantyhose by now are quite compacted so that I can actually reach the end of the other foot without bending over and getting close to the foot that is already trapped. (Admit it, you totally know the predicament I am now in!) As I bend over away from the edge of the tub, my center of gravity shifts and I start to lean too far forward so I put my foot down to catch my balance, only it lands on the rug (which does NOT have a rubberized backing on it). My foot hitting the rug hard causes a shift in the rug… backwards… which then propels my body even more forward than it already was before I put my foot down to catch my balance. I fall to a heap on the bathroom floor with my feet hobbled together by the waistband of the pantyhose around my ankles and my thumbs still stuck inside. As I am lying there trying to determine if I have permanently damaged anything but my ego, I remember that THIS is why I don’t wear pantyhose!