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" Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"

Thursday, April 25, 2013

How to Eat An Elephant ~ Chapter Fourteen: Not Every Prayer Bounces Off the Ceiling

This post is deeply personal and I found it difficult to articulate the thoughts that are in my head and heart about this subject. I hope my readers will feel what I am trying to convey in this chapter and that you will come away with a deeper understanding of how prayers get answered and better recognition of answers to your prayers.
Many examples throughout my dad’s life have taught me to believe in the power of prayer. I have also learned that prayers are answered according to God’s timing, not mine and according to God’s will.

Sometimes prayers aren’t answered immediately. I prayed every day all through high school that my dad would re-join the church so we could be an eternal family. That prayer was eventually answered, but it was according to my dad’s timetable, not according to my demand to God that He change my dad’s heart.  I believe the prayers of many people helped to soften my dad and prepare him for a mighty change to happen, but it was one of those instances where it was a process and all those prayers I offered not only helped to soften my dad’s heart, but I believe they helped to soften mine as well. Perhaps it was more of an issue of what other people may have needed to learn from the experience that dictated the timing of it being answered. Perhaps there were other hearts that needed to be changed before that struggle could be over. Perhaps other people’s faith needed to be strengthened through their opportunity to continuously pray for my dad.  I believe that God sees the big picture and he knows what things the people around us need to learn through our experiences and struggles. When you pray for something for a really long time, it is such a beautiful witness of the power of prayer when that prayer is finally answered. Sometimes the answer is not “no”, but rather “not yet”.
Another great example of this was a prayer that we offered for over 20 years before it was answered. What an amazing experience it was when Wayne’s daughter Tina came back into our lives after being absent for over 20 years. I don’t know why it had to take 20 years for that prayer to be answered, but it helps me to know that you should never give up on a righteous desire.
 I try to remember this when I get frustrated with a challenge that I am going through and I can’t understand why God won’t help me solve the problem and move on. Perhaps people around me need to learn something from my experience or struggle and until they learn that, the timing of my answer may need to be postponed.  It helps sometimes to try to step back from my struggles and see if from a larger perspective.

Sometimes prayers are answered in a different way than we expect. I have learned that you have to be very careful what you pray for. When I had a small child at home and was expecting number two, it was hard and I found that I wasn’t emotionally prepared for the demands of motherhood. I prayed for patience.  Never, ever, EVER pray for patience.  It is almost guaranteed that you will be given a trial to really test your patience! In this case, I was called to be a nursery worker…  are you kidding me? I was struggling to even be able to deal with my one child, how on earth was I going to deal with everyone else’s wild child… all at the same time? After that, I certainly had more patience in being able to deal with my own child and other struggles that would come my way. I also learned to be more creative and very specific in what I ask for now.
Sometimes a seemingly unanswered prayer, may be just the answer you are looking for. A dear friend of mine taught me that “doubt means don’t”. This has proven many times to be the answer I needed when I have paused before rushing into a decision, only later to find out that there was a better option coming if I only had the patience to wait for it. (Here we go with that patience thing again, which by the way, is still a struggle for me)
 Many times the thing I have prayed for has had a different outcome than what I had hoped or intended, but when I look back with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it was answered in the way that ultimately worked out for the best.

Sometimes prayers can postpone an inevitable outcome.  Throughout his cancer journey, I really struggled to come to terms with the idea that he wasn’t being cured. He had such a positive attitude and he had a tremendous amount of faith, as did those who loved him. He had numerous priesthood blessings. He deserved to be cured!!!  It really shook my faith that none of the things we were doing were working to heal him.  I often blamed myself, thinking that I was the weak link because my faith wasn’t stronger. Toward the end of my dad’s battle with cancer I was visiting with him and he told me that the prayers we were offering on his behalf were keeping him here on earth and that he wanted me to stop praying for him to be healed because he felt that we were keeping him from his next assignment.  He wanted me instead to pray that whatever God’s will was that it would be done quickly. This was such a hard concept to wrap my head around.  I sort of knew in my heart what the outcome would be if I did that and I felt like I was giving up and having a lack of faith by doing this, but I loved him enough to honor his request.  Immediately it seemed like he took a turn for the worse and started to slip away. I was out of town and it was going to take several days before I could get to Bear Lake to be with him. In the meantime, he asked every day, what day it was. I think he knew when I could be there to say good-bye and he was holding on waiting for me. I got there in the evening and told him I was there and it was ok for him to go now, and he was gone a few hours later. I am so grateful for the way this experience built my testimony on the power of prayer.  Our prayers did not change God’s will, but they allowed us the extra time we needed to be ready to let him go and to have the chance to strengthen our faith through the experience. I believe that for him, the veil had been very thin for quite some time and it must have been hard for him to make the choice to stay here until we were ready to let him go home. I had a personal experience with the veil one time when I was having a miscarriage and was hemorrhaging badly. I was in the Dr’s office and due to the critical nature of what was going on, they had do an emergency D&C  right there in the Dr office… without the benefits of anesthesia…. Not something I would recommend you try!!!!  From the loss of blood and the pain, I was very near death and I remember feeling very warm and peaceful in the midst of the pain and drama. I sensed my dad’s presence and longed so much to just be enveloped with his spirit, but I sensed he wanted me to go back because my work here wasn’t done. At the same time I remember being aware that the nurse was slapping my face very hard trying to get my attention.  At that point I had a choice to make. I was close enough to the veil to be torn between which way I wanted to go.  This experience has helped me, in hindsight, to better understand the struggle my dad must have faced with deciding how long to hang on here on earth and when it was time to make the decision that he needed to go.
Throughout these and many other experiences, I have learned that the purpose of prayer is not to try to change God’s mind about something or anyone else’s mind for that matter. God already knows what we want and He already knows what we need and He knows what His will is. He gives us the opportunity to pray so that we can humble ourselves enough to ask. I believe the higher purpose of prayer is to change our own hearts.  The true power in praying comes from the faith that is developed through the process…. when you are humble enough to turn it over to God, when you realize the prayer has been answered… or you recognize the reason it wasn’t.

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