How to Eat an Elephant ~ Chapter Eight: Opposition in All Things

Things would not be right in the world if I wrote a book about the lessons I learned from my dad and did not include a chapter on the importance of picking a good spouse. My dad hit the lottery when he married my momma!

One of my dad’s favorite Waylon songs was “Good Hearted Woman”….

A long time forgotten the dreams that just fell by the way

The good life he promised ain't what she's livin' today

But she never complains of the bad times

Or the bad things he's done, lord

She just talks about the good times they've had

And all the good times to come

He likes the bright lights and night life and good time friends

And when the party's all over she'll welcome him back home again

Lord knows she don't understand him but she does the best that she can

This good hearted woman, lovin' a good timin' man

She's a good hearted woman in love with a good timin' man

She loves him in spite of his ways she don't understand

With teardrops & laughter they pass through this world hand in hand

A good hearted woman, lovin' a good timin' man

From the outside looking in, I can’t think of a better way to describe my parents.

I may have gotten my competitive nature from my dad, but I got my toughness and strength from my momma. Her example of unconditional love towards so many people inspires me to be a more selfless and giving person.  That love and sacrifice of her own momentary happiness saved my dad and by so doing, gave our family the opportunity to be together forever. My mom is the glue that held it all together, especially during times when most families would have come completely unraveled. She was a rock during some really hard times and she has truly lived the entire spectrum of “for better or worse”!

Thinking of the differences between my parents is a testimony to me of the concept of opposition in all things. They say opposites attract and that is certainly the case with my parents. But the lesson of opposition here goes much deeper than that.  Most of the lessons that I learned from my dad were because she allowed him the freedom to be such an awesome dad. I want you to know, mom, that I recognize that and that your sacrifice in that area did not go unnoticed!!!!!

If you try to put two magnets together and you put the same polar sides towards each other, the force repels the magnets from each other. You can’t make them touch each other unless you turn one around so that the + and the – sides are facing each other. Opposites attract. This is true in most marriages as well. As a result of this, most marriages result in a “Good cop…bad cop” situation. Our family was no exception. But I think it was more of a situation where she was the “adult” parent and my dad was her sixth child. They were married so young that my dad’s mom often said that my mom was the one that raised him. He was quite a handful to try to raise and keep out of trouble, but somehow she ultimately found a way to do it.

The lesson here of opposition goes much deeper than their difference in personalities. The lesson learned about opposition is also demonstrated in the idea that in order to truly know joy, you must also experience pain.

Without the times of not having enough money, I would not appreciate it when I am able to buy the things that my family needs. I would also not have learned about hard work and working hard if there had not been a need for me to provide things for myself as I got older. I would not have learned to live on love (and stale potato chips!!!)

Without the times of witnessing strained relationships, I would not appreciate having a husband who does not drink and party and get angry.

Without my dad temporarily losing his priesthood authority, I would not have an appreciation of the difference that makes in the home and know just how blessed I am to have a husband who is worthy to hold and exercise that blessing in our lives. I have felt the void that is present when it is not readily available in the home and there is a noticeable difference.

Without my dad being excommunicated, I would not have learned such a powerful lesson on the miracle of forgiveness and the repentance process.

I could go on and on with examples of lessons I have learned about opposition and I am sure many of you have similar comparisons…. Look for those comparisons in your own life…. Look for those “strawberries” and recognize them for what they are.

Let me end with this…

Without experiencing the loss of a loved one that you were really close to, one simply cannot understand the level of appreciation that comes from knowing how important it is to love the people who are important to you… RIGHT NOW… Deeply and unconditionally… Before it is too late.  After a person experiences that kind of loss, you learn to let your hugs linger a little longer, say I love you more, and truly feel the depth of that love. You learn not to let opportunities to spend time together slip through your fingers like sand from a broken hour glass. There will come a day when you can’t turn over the hour glass and have more time. When it breaks, the time just slips out and is gone and you can’t ever get it back.  That is the moment when you will be glad you have the memories to occupy your mind. Those memories will help to fill the void that is left. Pick up the phone and call a loved one just to hear their voice. It’s so hard when you wake up one day and realize that you don’t remember what their voice sounded like anymore. But the opposite of that is, that when you no longer hear the echo of their voice in your head, you begin to feel the presence of their spirit in your heart.